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So I'm 13 years old and in 7th grade. I have this friend that I met this year. She's been a really good friend to me but I wouldn't describe her a best friend. There has recently been some drama over someone liking her and she lashed out at that person in a group text I was in, using extreme expletives. I texted her about it and asked what was up, and she said this:

The reason I yell and lash out all the time is because I am constantly sad. I'm lonely. Even when surrounded by a lot of friends I still feel alone all the time.

I'm sorry I shouldn't have told you all of that. I'm going to go, bye.

And dont think about it. I'm fine don't worry I won't do anything.

I'm sorry.

Sorry.

I've been as supportive as possible but as she opens up to me more and more it seems more like she needs to tell someone who can help her about it. From what she's told me, I have a suspicion she is bipolar. I've encouraged her to go to a doctor or to our guidance counselor, but she says that she 'can't trust them' and that the doctor would recommend pills which would 'screw her up even more'. She has told me she doesn't want me to tell anyone about it, and I said that I would only tell an adult who can help if I think she needs it, but I if I did she would never forgive me.

What can I do about this? What can I say, and should I tell her parents? I want to help her, but this is scary to me. If any more info is needed, feel free to ask in the comments.

Sorry if this is off topic, as it isn't a question directly about parenting, but it seems to be on topic from what I have read on meta.
Ready To Learn
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Nico A
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    I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because it's not really about parenting. It is an unfortunate situation, but giving advice to adolescents attempting to help other adolescents outside of the family is not within the scope of this site. – anongoodnurse Dec 11 '15 at 05:36
  • I don't think this should be closed. No, its not parenting as such, but its close enough and a genuine problem. – Paul Johnson Dec 11 '15 at 17:11
  • @TreFox: Sometimes people with a problem get stuck in a conversational rut with someone trying to help, which goes "Why don't you try ...", "Yes, but ...". Listen to the objections, sympathise with the feelings behind them, and then see if you can work out a compromise. – Paul Johnson Dec 11 '15 at 18:33
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    @PaulJohnson - I'm very open to hearing your explanation of how it is related to parenting as it is stated, and that fits with the site's on-topic guidelines. As it stands, how is it different than, say, "my best friend isn't speaking to my second best friend; what should I do?" Sure, there is a desire to help, and there is a good answer. – anongoodnurse Dec 12 '15 at 02:30
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    @anongoodnurse - the OP is asking about how best to care for a child. Its true she is a friend of the same age, but the issues and concerns are the same. The topic guidelines allow for "others who care for children". I think the OP falls into this category here, even though the person she is trying to help is a friend the same age. Also the concern is that the friend may harm herself if nothing is done. That is very different to asking for advice on handling one's own friendship group. – Paul Johnson Dec 12 '15 at 09:59
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    @PaulJohnson - In my reading, "others who care for children" is meant to recognize those in loco parentis. A classmate in this situation isn't in loco parentis. – anongoodnurse Dec 12 '15 at 18:49

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Do you tell or do you keep it to yourself? My rule when I come across situations like that is to answer this question: If I stay silent, could this person get hurt? If the answer is no or probably not, then you can stay silent. If the answer is yes, then you need to tell.

The fact that she is opening up to you and talking to you about it probably means that she really wants help...she feels a need to tell someone and, for some reason, she feels like you are that person. You must be a really caring person.

Having said that, this is sort of beyond the realm of the average 13-year-old. You're not a counselor or her parent. I think you have to at least tell her parents. And she is probably going to be angry with you and hurt and betrayed. And that's ok. She has every right to feel that way. But she is not able to handle this on her own and neither are you.

Sometimes people resist treatment or diagnosis because they're afraid. They're afraid of what that diagnosis could mean or what the treatment is going to involve, but running from a problem won't make it magically go away. And, if this person is really your friend, if she attempted to harm herself or even succeeded, you would forever wish that you had said something earlier.

Hopefully, someday, once she's gotten the help she needs, she'll understand why you did what you did and she won't be angry with you anymore.

Meg Coates
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