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I’m trying to write something a little poetic and I’m not sure if my grammar is correct, and more importantly, if it’s GOOD.

The phrase I wrote is “Wann sie singt, sie lebt.” Which I now believe should use “wenn” in the place of “wann” but I’d love it if someone could both confirm that for me and proofread/critique the whole line. I’m trying to say “When she sings, she lives” as to mean, emotively, that singing is so important to this woman that she needs it to thrive.

user unknown
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Ann
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  • By convention, we don't greet at start or end of Q&As here and we don't use phrases to express thankfulness. Instead, you are supposed to vote good answers up and select the best one, if possible. – user unknown Sep 01 '21 at 15:20
  • Thank you all for the feedback! It’s been a few years since I studied German fulltime so any and all advice is helpful. Alternatives to “wenn” and “wann” would be helpful too! I just wasn’t aware there were other options. – Ann Sep 01 '21 at 14:13

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"Wann" would be related to time so definitely "Wenn", you should also switch "sie lebt" around "lebt sie" which sounds a lot better

Wenn sie singt, lebt sie

  • Emphasis in this way here is wrong imho. It gives an impersonal distance, nor its uppercasing a usual form of emphasis in German – planetmaker Sep 01 '21 at 06:45
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    "Sie" is only capitalized in letters if it is used as a pronominal address form. Personal pronouns are never capitalized (except at the start of a sentence). Doing so is wrong. –  Sep 01 '21 at 07:03
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    I'm not entirely convinced that the only choices are wann and wenn; it seems like these were picked just because they sound like "when". Are we sure that als, sobald, or wahrend wouldn't work here? Perhaps a different structure like Beim singen, lebt sie would be closer to the intended meaning. My German isn't good enough to decide if any of these alternatives would work, but I don't think they should be ruled out only because they weren't mentioned in the original question. – RDBury Sep 01 '21 at 11:36
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    @RDBury The question was worded as " “wann” vs “wenn”" not "alternatives to 'when'", there are definitely other ways to express the meaning as well, it's not in my answer since it's not in the question. –  Sep 01 '21 at 11:45
  • @Trae: Yes, the title says wann vs wenn, but I was going mainly by "I’m trying to say ... emotively, that singing is so important to this woman that she needs it to thrive." Sometimes people asking questions here "don't know what they don't know", and it's better not to take the wording too literally. – RDBury Sep 01 '21 at 12:12
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    @userunknown good to know, deleted it –  Sep 02 '21 at 05:38
  • @RDBury: Small remark: It should be "Beim Singen lebt sie.", without a comma. – O. R. Mapper Sep 02 '21 at 10:02
  • @O. R. Mapper; That makes sense, only one finite verb. I was unsure of the whole phrase, so I'm pleased if there was only a punctuation error. – RDBury Sep 02 '21 at 10:59