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I am writing a part where the sixteen-year-old protagonist meets a male character who is eighteen-years-old. I am not sure how to refer to him - boy or man.

The male character is legally an adult, he has a job and makes his own money. The chapter is written from the protagonist's perspective, third-person narrative, and while she is notified of the male character's job, she doesn't know how old he is. She simply takes a wild guess that he is eighteen at most. What would make more sense: her referring to him as a boy or a man?

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    What about 'guy'? – DM_with_secrets Feb 15 '21 at 14:16
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    @DM_with_secrets My instinct is that "guy" would work in a first-person narrative, but would be a tad too informal for third-person. – F1Krazy Feb 15 '21 at 18:49
  • "Man" could work if there was a romantic interest? – Erk Feb 15 '21 at 21:19
  • Would it make sense in the narrative to refer to him by his name or his profession? – Ben Thompson Feb 15 '21 at 22:09
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    Am I mistaken in believing that "boy" is commonly used for any male who is young and unmarried, regardless of whether he is actually an adult? –  Feb 16 '21 at 00:49
  • I propose "dude". – Vikki Feb 16 '21 at 02:24
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    Surely he's a lad. – Will Feb 16 '21 at 05:46
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    What about changing the way you refer to the protagonist depending on how your female character feels about him ? He could be a boy when he acts childishly, or a man when he shows maturity ? – Vincent Fourmond Feb 16 '21 at 11:10
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    @DarkMalthorp - I'd say yes, you are mistaken. I believe a 25 year old unmarried man would get seriously offended if you called him a boy. It can only be read as putting down. – Davor Feb 16 '21 at 11:52
  • @Davor - Oh dear, I may have inadvertently offended a number of people :/ Does the same apply to "girl" and "woman"? –  Feb 16 '21 at 11:54
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    @DarkMalthorp - much less because women idealise youth while men idealise masculinity/maturity. Women often call each other "girl" even if they are 50 and have 4 children, but for men (especially young men insecure of themselves) the implication that they are a child to you would be much more offensive. Of course, men will still say things like "that's my boy", but context is king. If you stop a 60 year old to ask a question and he says "yes, boy, how can I help you?", well, that's because he's 60 and he probably calls everyone under 40 a boy :D – Davor Feb 16 '21 at 11:57
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    The title of the question asks about how you, the author, should refer to him, while the body asks about how your character should refer to him. Those are 2 largely distinct questions. It is perfectly acceptable (and not uncommon) for an author to not speak (write) in the same way as their characters do, if this makes sense in the context of their story. – NotThatGuy Feb 16 '21 at 12:19
  • @DarkMalthorp You can use "boy" to refer to any young adult male if you're specifically trying to offend them, if you're old enough (but even that's probably just a tolerable level of offensive) or if you're trying to refer to them in a shy or cutesy manner in a romantic context ("I met this cute boy today"). "Boys", on the other hand, is more commonly used for adult males in a more neutral way ("one of the boys", "boys' night out", etc.). On a related note, "bachelor" refers to any unmarried (typically not too old) adult male. – NotThatGuy Feb 16 '21 at 12:32
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    Is this identification of the male character part of internal/narrative portion of the text or is it dialog? Does she think he's a boy/man? Does she identify him as a boy/man to cops? Does she identify him to his face? – hszmv Feb 16 '21 at 14:40
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    @Davor Please don't call a woman "girl" when you wouldn't use "boy" for a man in the same context. Some of us actually will be really offended. https://www.google.com/search?q=calling+women+girls – user3067860 Feb 16 '21 at 16:32
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    @DarkMalthorp Using "girl" for "woman" is just as bad, please see previous comment. There are contexts where it's OK, but if you're unsure then it's much safer not to. – user3067860 Feb 16 '21 at 16:35
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    @user3067860 - yes, well, tell that to women, they are the ones calling each other girls. – Davor Feb 16 '21 at 16:36
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    @Davor I am a woman, so I do feel fairly qualified on this one. – user3067860 Feb 16 '21 at 16:39
  • Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat. – F1Krazy Feb 16 '21 at 16:54

6 Answers6

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Make it ambiguous:

If the woman can't tell how old he is, she may refer to him either way. If your point of view allows it, show her having an internal debate about it. If she's not sure, make a bit of a game of it. This, BTW is a great opportunity to add a description of him, and also reveal your MC's thinking and frame of reference. She obliquely tries to find out how old he is. She refers to him by his full name (possibly awkwardly). Once she knows he has a regular job and isn't in high school, the proper character would refer to him as a man or possibly a young man. But even calling someone a young man can convey childhood ("Excuse me young man,") if she was both older, or in this case if she views his actions as being childish.

It doesn't REALLY matter which she decides to use, but I agree that if your MC's voice is well established, you'll be able to tell how she would give the usage. My characters start sounding a certain way. If she was significantly older (I know, you said 16; just being thorough), EVERY male is "young man." If she's snarky and sarcastic, she might refer to him as "Babyface" or "boy" (in THAT tone). If she's insecure or attracted to him, she'll waffle around a lot. A respectful voice will mean she calls him "Sir" regardless of age.

So do what works best to convey information about both characters. This can be a good way to show not tell.

DWKraus
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There's no definitive answer to this question, because it depends entirely on the POV character, who exists only in your mind. How would she refer to him?

My own instincts align with those of @DM_with_secrets (from the comments) --an American teenager would probably describe another teenager neither as a "boy" or a "man" but as a "guy."

Chris Sunami
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    Exactly. From an older adult POV, "youth" is often used as a noun that includes both older boys and younger men, especially in news reporting. But it would be unusual for a young person to use this term this way. – barbecue Feb 15 '21 at 22:12
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    How would she refer to him...Does she want him to be a "man" or "boy" or "guy"? A 16 yo girl addressing some as a boy would be either to be coy, or rarely on first meet, derogatory. Sir could be used if she is a bit taken aback. – paulj Feb 16 '21 at 18:27
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You could call him a teen or a teenager, if the protagonist thinks from his appearance that he is over 13 and under 20, but doesn't know if he is a legal adult or a legal minor.

You could look up definitions and synonyms of "boy" and "man" to find words which are synonyms of both.

Here is a link to about two dozen synonyms for boy:

https://www.thesaurus.com/browse/boy[1]

And here is a link to a list of synonyms for man:

https://www.thesaurus.com/browse/man[2]

Words which are on both lists include fellow, and guy. Other lists may have more words used for both "boy" and "man".

If the protagonists dislikes him a first sight she might think of him as a "jerk". If she thinks he is really good looking she might think of him as a "hunk" or a "dreamboat" or other slang term with the same meaning.

Maybe she thinks of him as a 'boy" sometimes and a "man" other times.

I note that in Star Trek: The Original Series the main characters who were in their thirties and forties sometimes called other adult characters "boys" or "girls". They called several adult women "girls", and in "Shore Leave" Yeoman Tonia Barrows calls herself a "girl" at least once, despite the actress being 33 years and 9 months old when her scenes were filmed. In "Balance of Terror" Dr. McCoy calls Lt. Robert Tomlinson a "boy" despite him being portrayed by an actor 26 years old.

M. A. Golding
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  • Lad can be used for any male from adolescence to mid-thirties. likewise lass can be used for any female in the same age-range – CSM Feb 16 '21 at 15:02
  • I know a book where the old folks (70+ or even 80+) talk about their husbands as 'the boys' and their wives as 'the girls'. And it does fit in the story. – Willeke Feb 17 '21 at 17:52
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Young man

There is no need to use only one word.

Andrew Morton
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It is unusual to refer to any one person as "boy" or "man".

It is common to refer to groups like this. For example "Most construction workers are men" or "There is a group of boys coming over for my son's birthday party".

This emphasizes the speaker is unfamiliar with the group. Likewise if you refer to one person as a "man" then it emphasizes unfamiliarness. For example "There are two men ahead of me in the queue" implies the two men are strangers.

To answer your question, at the very start your protagonist should only call him a boy/man at the very beginning, assuming she meets him as a complete stranger, and then based on how old/mature he appears to her at the time. Of course "teenager" and "young man" also work here.

If they do not meet as strangers then she should refer to him by their relationship. For example if he works as a butcher and they meet at the meat counter she calls him the "butcher" or perhaps "butcher's assistant" since he looks fairly young.

Shortly afterwards they learn each others' names and this problem goes away. From then on boy/man should only be used to emphasize matureness. For example "Derek isn't like the other boys I've gone out with. He's not a boy, he's a man".

Daron
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It is up to you how you want to refer to him as.
I simply describe the character age the first time I introduce them, and then call them by the name from there on.

The reason is that I use the Biblical definition of Man
Male - someone who is born with the plumbing

Boy - someone who is still reliant and dependent on someone else to take care of them
Seriously... I've met 17 year old MEN who work to take care of their single mother... and I've met 39 year old boys who still trying to play gangster

Man - someone who can take care of themselves as well as taking care of someone else

WriterGeek1
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    So a male with a disability who needs lifelong assistance will always be a boy and can never be a man? – nanoman Feb 15 '21 at 22:19
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    I am a little lost on this answer, why did you mention marriages at the end? The OP didn't ask for love advice. – user11111111111 Feb 15 '21 at 22:27
  • Oh, you are right. I went off topic didn't I? Sorry, my mind went back into marriage counseling mode lol – WriterGeek1 Feb 16 '21 at 00:41
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    Why are you bringing the bible into this? – forest Feb 16 '21 at 02:09
  • @nanoman Male with disability? How about a male born with no arms and no legs, but is still considered a man? Look up "Nick Vujicic". I hope that answer your question – WriterGeek1 Feb 16 '21 at 03:10
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    Going along with other commenters, "boy" and "man" are age-based labels. They have nothing to do with ability. While using "man" for a young person is ok and is used in terms of endearment (e.g. "little man"), using "boy" for an adult is demeaning and should be avoided. – bob Feb 16 '21 at 17:23
  • @forest Don't know why they deleted my comment. I asked what if I talked about the Quran instead? Or the Buddhist Tri-piṭaka?? Do you have a problem with these? These are all books. Now tell me, why you have issue with one book, but okay with the other books? This is of course to improve my answers in future. – WriterGeek1 Feb 17 '21 at 07:02
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    @WriterGeek1 I deleted your earlier comment as I felt it was unnecessarily confrontational. forest isn't saying that they have a problem with the Bible, or that they don't have a problem with the other books you listed; they're merely questioning why you chose that particular example. – F1Krazy Feb 17 '21 at 08:03