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What is the hidden message in this advertisement?

Neurotic Frogs Ought To Relax In Mud Baths!

Perpendicular lounging calms. A frog, a mud cap... bliss! Wallowing generates happiness. Amphibian spa isn't expensive--seventy dollars--cheap! That's not a large expense from any discerning frog's money, unlike Super 8.

Everyone--frogs, toads, newts, and salamanders! Get a wonderful shiatsu, or receive an other kind. Masseuses are here today! Invite a fiancée, supervisor, roommate, niece: all welcomed!

You simply never believed these possibilities; they're (I swear) absolute truth! The Montgomery Amphibian Salon! Come luxuriate today!

Hint 1:

Notice that the last word in a sentence never contains italics.

Hint 2:

Frogs, toads, or newts--makes no difference. But dogs or horses are a different story.

Hint 3:

"Tadpoles" must be accompanied at all times. Our company policy states: "Business standards allow only adult amphibians."

Hint 4:

Eggs and tadpoles are quite different, of course. However, we don't discriminate among eggs, tadpoles, or even tadpoles. On the other hand, there's a big difference between tadpoles and polliwogs.

Community
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DLosc
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    Italics are: OaMouAueeaosaxeyoeysaesveseéallovosswearem – Chris Cudmore Apr 19 '16 at 20:16
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    Which I believe is welsh for "Get your stinking frog out of my bathtub!" – Chris Cudmore Apr 19 '16 at 20:19
  • Totally off topic: This sounds like it could have been taken out of "Stand on Sansibar" (John Brunner scifi book). – skymningen Apr 20 '16 at 08:07
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    Maybe it has to do with the gaps between the itallics as well? – micsthepick May 23 '16 at 10:30
  • micsthepick, the big run of 0s or 1s from the italicized "swear" near the end seem like a problem for that idea. – Gareth McCaughan Jun 15 '16 at 13:23
  • Honestly, the italics look like they could be a computer program from PPCG. Considering @DLosc's origins, it might not be too much of a stretch... though it's more likely to be something else. :D – mbomb007 Jun 17 '16 at 19:29
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    Maybe it's time for a hint? This puzzle is driving me crazy. ;) – axavio Aug 09 '16 at 00:24
  • These italics almost look like source code for the esoteric programming language "evil". If someone has a compiler for that, please test this. I couldn't find one and I can't be bothered to write one right now. – Pat G Aug 10 '16 at 11:38
  • evil didn't seem to do match with it (assuming the interpreter I just wrote based on wikipedia is correct) - it just generated the letter "o". Running it through Pip (created by DLosc) gives 1000 (simply from the last "m" in the string). – YowE3K Aug 11 '16 at 02:15
  • @micsthepick You might be right, it looks like the number of normal letters (in between the italic letters) is always less than 26... (I haven't checked them all). – A E Aug 11 '16 at 18:35
  • Iff you ignore the words "all" and "swear", which are all italicized, and I think might be a red herring, there are only nine different letters italicized (disregarding accents): a e m o s u v x y – GentlePurpleRain Aug 16 '16 at 03:03
  • Any further progress on this one? I still can't make it out – Avik Mohan Aug 17 '16 at 17:18
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    It looks like the length of each words plays some kind of role, doesn't it? It seemed to me from the beginning like the message was written to match a certain number of letters per word, and the newest hint appears to confirm that. – vvye Aug 18 '16 at 12:10
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    If you count the number of letters in Come luxuriate today, it gives you 4 9 5, and if you convert this back in letters, it gives you DIE. Which is what I am going to do after spending nights on this puzzle :) – IAmInPLS Aug 19 '16 at 09:32
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    Can we have another hint or it would be too much :] ? I mean, this puzzle has not been solved for 4 months... – IAmInPLS Aug 24 '16 at 09:41
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    My bounty went unspent. :( Maybe some collaboration? I opened a chat room for this puzzle. All welcomed! I really want to see this guy solved. – axavio Aug 25 '16 at 00:58

2 Answers2

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The main idea:

Convert each word: If not italicized, to word length, if italicized, then irrespective of number of italics, either to 1, if the length is odd, or 2, if length is even. Then pair each italicized to the right side word, and read in A1Z26.

The entire message reads:

Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

The #3 hint reads:

Hint

Puzzle is a, ... I can't. I puzzlingly ... I didn't. Don't ... I swear.

Thanks to @Verence and @Wu33o for having time do decrypt the message. It took me around 13+ hours to solve, ended up waking up all night, and the fourth hint reduced too many possibilities.

Beastly Gerbil
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As @GentlePurpleRain noted, the only letters that are italicized are "aemosuvxy".

Now, to put that aside for a moment, consider:

During reproduction, many amphibians keep their eggs in mud structures that could resemble 'animal spas'

Also, we see that dogs and horses aren't allowed, and this nods to the fact that inter-species reproduction is impossible.

Finally, we note that this may be a sort of "adult" topic, as noted by the 3rd hint.

Taking this together with @GentlePurpleRain's observation, we realize the message is an anagram of those letters:

A Sexy Ovum !!!!!!!!

Avik Mohan
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