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My son has a problem with eating. He can eat all the junk like KFC, McDonald's, or rice and sweet yogurt, but starts crying when I ask him to eat more healthy food, or when I ban his TV or iPad.

Part of the problem I feel is I live with my wife's brother and one was/is very demanding with what he thinks is right and that might have attributed to my son's diet. I am visiting my family after 7 years and no one except my mom had met my son, he is almost 6.

Since I have been here, I am hearing, "he is skinny" (have his blood test), "he looks depressed", "he is too suppressed", "you guys have pressured him much", etc.

I start to feel like a bad parent, but what can I do to make my son eat more as mentioned? He cries every time we tell him to eat or just want to eat junk food.

Hello world
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localhost
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    What culture is this? Is your son within normal weight ranges? – nick012000 Oct 25 '21 at 07:27
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    Do you consider rice a junk food? – Enguroo Oct 26 '21 at 04:09
  • Is your son "meeting milestones" (i.e. developing normally for his age)? – Pam Oct 26 '21 at 22:05
  • Does your son have the problem with his eating, or do you have a problem with his eating, or do your relatives/in-laws have a problem with his eating? If it's the last one, tell them they are not the parent and they are not to push their nutritional or medical advice on your son." – Wayne Conrad Oct 20 '23 at 21:43
  • @localhost, you write that your son "starts crying when [...] I ban his TV or iPad." Are you really surprised that your son dislikes when you forcibly take away what he likes? And how exactly would that change his eating habits? – Dennis Hackethal Oct 21 '23 at 18:55
  • @DennisHackethal with iPad and tv infront, the food goes in quick and without it, they r not bothered and can stay hungry until really hungry – localhost Oct 23 '23 at 09:20
  • @localhost It sounds like you're manipulating your child into eating whenever and whatever you want. Just let him eat what he wants, when he wants, and don't ban his iPad or TV. Your son doesn't have a "problem with eating" – you have a problem with his eating. – Dennis Hackethal Oct 23 '23 at 13:58

2 Answers2

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I think it has to do with dopamine receptors. Your son may be experiencing some kind of stress, or it may be a feature of his body, meaning that he needs to constantly receive dopamine. And this means watching TV for several hours, eating fast food, eating sweets, etc. It's an easy addiction to fast dopamine. Of course, you need to gradually switch to sports and proper nutrition, otherwise it will lead to diabetes and obesity. Visit or consult nutritionists, psychologists and other doctors. I say this from my own experience, because I suffered from this as a child and was able to overcome it on my own only at the age of 19. The earlier you help him, the easier it will be.

Daniel Shaw
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  • People aren't hormone machines. The appropriate concepts to invoke here are preferences and ideas and minds. – Dennis Hackethal Oct 21 '23 at 18:56
  • +1 constantly feeding a child junk food and allowing screen time all the time will mess with his dopamine, and will lead to health problems later on. The fix will be to change everyday routines in the household and just to eat healthy meals. This is difficult in some children, but you just have to keep trying. – Koinc Oct 24 '23 at 05:58
  • @Koinc The child should eat what he wants to eat. If you think his preferences are bad, try to persuade him. Don't force him to eat something he doesn't want to eat. Consider once more what Daniel Shaw wrote: he only overcame dietary problems at the age of 19, ie after his (presumably conventional/coercive) upbringing was over. What does that tell you about the efficacy of conventional parenting when it comes to healthy food choices? – Dennis Hackethal Dec 31 '23 at 01:13
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Here is what we do with our kids, which seems to work well for the most part.

They eat whatever we are having for dinner, no special portions or requests. We put a very small portion of everything on their plate. This is the next thing they eat. They are not required to eat it at that meal, but they need to sit and follow the usual table rules and be with the family for while. After that they can be excused, and we'll put their food in a container for the next meal. They are not allowed to make negative comments about the food, but get to simply vote "thumbs up" or "thumbs down" after they've tried it. Sometimes if they eat the portion that they've been given, if they still do not like the food we allow them to have something simple, like toast or yogurt.

You didn't say what age your son is, but young children really don't require many calories. If he is eating junk food, especially between meals, he may just not need more calories.

We've found these rules to be effective. Instead of coaxing them to eat each meal, we simply say "that's fine if you're not hungry right now, but that will be the next thing you eat".

A. Miller
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  • "Instead of coaxing them to eat each meal" That is exactly what you're doing, even if you've successfully fooled yourself into thinking it's not. I feel sorry for your children. – Dennis Hackethal Oct 21 '23 at 18:58
  • What I mean is that we don't take up all of our dinner time discussing whether or not the food will be eaten. Our children have learned to eat a wide variety of healthy foods without complaint. I feel sorry for children whose parents let them steer the ship. – A. Miller Oct 23 '23 at 13:43
  • 'What I mean is that my wife and I don't take up all of our dinner time discussing whether or not the food will be eaten. She has learned to eat a wide variety of healthy foods without complaint. I feel sorry for wives whose husbands let them steer the ship.' – Dennis Hackethal Oct 23 '23 at 14:02
  • @DennisHackethal parents are responsible for their childrens health and for teaching them to eat healthy food. Spouses - not so much. – Koinc Oct 24 '23 at 06:00
  • @Koinc My comment was about how Miller treats children with the same sort of authoritarian, pre-enlightenment disrespect that husbands used to have for their wives. Regardless, manipulating children into eating things they don't want to eat produces a terrible relationship to food that is antithetical to maintaining a healthy diet. You don't need to choose between force and neglect. – Dennis Hackethal Nov 08 '23 at 01:37
  • @Koinc This answer has some examples of how pressuring kids to eat messes up their health. – Dennis Hackethal Nov 08 '23 at 01:46
  • @DennisHackethal So, in your view, women and children should have equal agency? I think that this is completely naive, impractical and abdicates one of the primary responsibilities of a parent, that is to help the child form disciplined and healthy habits. – A. Miller Nov 08 '23 at 13:37
  • @A.Miller I've already shown that your approach can lead to the opposite of healthy habits. "So, in your view, women and children should have equal agency?" Yes, all people have a right not to be coerced, and children are people, too. Just that you would ask that question shows your pre-enlightenment authoritarianism. Again, you don't need to choose between force and neglect. Persuade. – Dennis Hackethal Nov 09 '23 at 16:06
  • I don't accept that your link to a separate Stack Exchange answer which in turn links two studies with dubious design shows much, though I accept that nearly any parenting method poorly applied can have adverse effects. I'm curious how much time you've spent trying to reason with young children whose brains are not yet fully developed? Is wrong to coerce a child to leave the house against his or her will? What about forcing a child to take a bath? Children are fully human, no one is disputing that, but their freedom is necessarily limited until they are capable of making wise choices. – A. Miller Nov 10 '23 at 14:33
  • I've spent a decent amount of time around children. Their brain development can't possibly matter since their software – ie personhood – is fully present. It's wrong to coerce a child to take a bath regardless. Children at any age are capable of making wise choices, but freedom includes the freedom to make unwise ones. Adults are free to make unwise choices, too. There are valid applications of force when it comes to children, but taking a bath isn't one of them: https://blog.dennishackethal.com/posts/when-can-parents-use-force – Dennis Hackethal Dec 01 '23 at 23:16
  • If taking a bath is a good idea, which I believe it is, then you should have no problem persuading the child of your stance. Failing that, don't blame the child's brain development, but take accountability and consider that you could be wrong. Whoever may be wrong, a lack of coercion enables you both to correct the error. Using coercion, on the other hand, only entrenches it. Sad. – Dennis Hackethal Dec 01 '23 at 23:20