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I have a 16 years old son who is very charming, loving and friendly, but also has ADHD. He is a bit slow in focus with his academics and behaves like a little younger than his age, that may be because he is the youngest in the family and gets much attention from me and his older sister.

However, there is a huge problem in the family which is ruining our family, and it is that my husband hates our son from the beginning. He is very rude with him, taunts him, calls him mental, nonsense, stupid, idiot and so on and the worst part is that he curses him, which my son takes very seriously and gets very upset.

Me and my daughter are very stressed with this situation that is getting worse day by day. I don’t talk with my husband, and fight with him every single time he says bad things and spanks for no reason. For this reason I have been sleeping away from him time by time since two years. We had lots of discussions and every time he promises that he will control his behaviour but it is not happening. He told me many times that he just hates our son and doesn’t like him. Otherwise, there is no problem in my married relationship, and I am happy with this guy if he is nice with our son. It is so disturbing that sometimes I think about divorcing him.

Is it possible to reconcile their relationship, and how would I go about doing so?

Rory Alsop
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Lilly
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    This is a Q&A site, but you have no actual question, which makes it unclear what you're asking. "Otherwise, there is no problem in my married relationship, and I am happy with this guy if he is nice with our son." But he's not; he's emotionally and physically abusing your son. Get into counseling ASAP, and parenting classes for him. This is not ok. – anongoodnurse Aug 06 '20 at 03:20
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    You have an obligation to protect your child from this ongoing harm. If the counselling anon suggests doesn't yield results quickly, you need to remove this man from your sons life. If you can do that while keeping him in yours is something you can ponder while your son is safe. –  Aug 06 '20 at 12:23
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    Can you clarify, has this always been the relationship between them or did some kind of argument in the teen years start it?
    I don't know if I can give a full answer to "what should you do" but in your shoes I would give my husband one and only one chance to get therapy and stop abusing my son, and if he didn't fix things leave him even if my personal happiness would suffer for it. Your child needs to know you have his back and will protect him.     – Meg Aug 06 '20 at 21:26
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    I am a member of a few sites on the network and I am very pleased with the rules, which work perfectly in Stackoverflow and the others, but this particular site has a completely different focus, much more subjective, and it honestly sucks that such a serious question gets closed over some technically when the answers to it could be helpful for OP and other people, regardless of the way the question was presented. I would let questions like this open, otherwise what is the point? – alotropico Aug 10 '20 at 09:22
  • On the other side, I agree with all the previous comments and find they could've been answers – alotropico Aug 10 '20 at 09:24
  • Completely agree with alotropico, this OP is obviously in distress and is asking for help. Why on Earth would you close this question? At the very least someone could help steer the OP to the correct subforum as the problem here is probably less about parenting and more about an abusive member in the family.

    @Lilly please get into counseling as soon as possible, and if your husband doesn't want to go, get your son out of the situation (move out!). Your husband is causing irrevocable damage to your son, and it's completely unacceptable.

     – alecvn Aug 13 '20 at 09:41
  • @skepticscript - because unless the question is completely changed to be about parenting, it is not on topic here, it is about a relationship with an someone who is abusive. The guidance given in comments is key – Rory Alsop Aug 13 '20 at 10:59
  • @alotropico - The problem is the question asked ("...how would I go about [reconciling their relationship]?) . Most people would answer the question not asked ("Can this marriage be saved?"), and that is off topic for an answer. It's not that there's no sympathy or help available. It's all in the comments. – anongoodnurse Aug 13 '20 at 16:35
  • @skepticscript - What have you advised that has not already been advised by others? You see, that critical advice (critical as in important, not disapproving) has already been given. You've added noting. There is no subforum better suited to migrate this to. – anongoodnurse Aug 13 '20 at 16:40

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