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My 13-month-old is still sleeping in my bed and still breastfeeding. I have tried everything to wean him off but I am out of options. He finds it more as a comfort thing and refuses to go to sleep without a feed. Then once he is sleeping (usually 40 minutes later), he wakes up straight away if I try and get out of bed.

I know there is nothing wrong with having a child sleep in your bed but I am losing so much sleep because I cant move during the night. He is a very big baby too, so most of the time either my partner or I are falling out of the bed.

He is very healthy and no longer needs my breast milk. And, like I said, I have tried everything. He doesn't like pacifiers, as he never took to them as a infant.

If you have a solution or know someone who does please help me.

Catija
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Allana
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    What is "everything"? Right now, all we know is that he won't take a pacifier instead of the breast. We need some more information because we're likely to recommend things you've already tried if you don't tell us what you've tried more specifically... or you might discourage people from answering because they will assume that their idea is already included in the "everything" you've tried. Be as specific as you can so we can help you better! – Catija Mar 22 '17 at 22:44
  • You've said that already... pacifiers aren't the only option... but you said you "tried everything" what else have you tried? – Catija Mar 22 '17 at 22:52
  • I have tried dummys,he just spits them out. He has tried formula, cows milk, flavoured milk, almond milk. All warm and chilled. He doesnt like to be held to go to sleep he would prefer to lay beside me so i cant rock him,i have put the cot next to and level with our bed wich worked for a little while then he kept crawling back into our bed.I have tried wearing him out and feeding him more so he wouldnt want breast milk.I have tried letting my partner put him tosleep but our son gets upset when he cant find my breast.I have tried to lay him down in the cot ,he works himself up within a minute. – Allana Mar 22 '17 at 23:05
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    I feel like he has made me his only comfort to sleep, i dont know how to put that comfort into a blanket or if i should try. I went to my doctor about this and all he said was to put him into the cot and let hi m put him slef to sleep coming back into the room every 60 seconds then streaching the time out. I have tried this and my son did not react very well. He would make himself stop breathing from crying so much. So the tough love didnt work either. – Allana Mar 22 '17 at 23:12
  • One of the hardest things to learn as a parent is to say "No." I have not done this personally, but suggest you try a weekend or a long weekend when you can sleep rather than working. If you have a trusted relative or sitter, perhaps ask for help so you get at least 4 hours of sleep at a time. Otherwise trade off with your partner. Perhaps try repressing milk but bottle feeding and no breast. If you give in, you teach him to keep on until you give in. – WRX Mar 23 '17 at 00:29
  • At the risk of sounding pedantic, the ideal time to deal with this was several months ago. At 13 months, he is old enough to get out of bed and come seeking you, but not old enough to reason with. You may just have to lay down the law, tough out his frustration and let him cry it out, until he figures it out. He is in no danger if he stops breathing from crying. If anything, he will learn that crying like that is uncomfortable and earns him nothing. You may try activities to exhaust him so he falls asleep on his own "wherever", then put him in his own bed. – pojo-guy Mar 23 '17 at 02:15
  • Thankyou Willow, i have tried to express, he doesnt take the bottle, i could try to give it to him before bed so he is full of milk? – Allana Mar 23 '17 at 06:40
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    Pojo-guy i dont want to have to put my son through unnessasery screaming. And i would like to stick to a rutine. I have been dealing with this for 5 months this is why i am seeking advice off other people. – Allana Mar 23 '17 at 06:48
  • Allana -- I really cannot advise you on breastfeeding or weaning. All I can say is that when you decide to stop breastfeeding and sleeping with him, it will happen. You are like most Mums! It breaks your heart to hear him cry and ask for you and so you give in. It's not like we don't understand -- we all do -- or at least anyone with any empathy. I hope you feel supported here and that other mothers can give you some real help. I can only offer my opinion. – WRX Mar 23 '17 at 11:47
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    We had trouble weaning onto a bottle, and actually found that a quick switch from breast to bottle half way through a feed tricked her often enough, and then she learnt she liked the bottle. – Tom Bowen Mar 23 '17 at 11:57
  • LINK That post is about putting a slightly older child to bed, in his own bed, but you may find some of it helpful Allana. You and your partner need to be very mindful of each other because a lack of sleep puts pressure on any relationship. I hope you find an answer. – WRX Mar 23 '17 at 15:21
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    Thankyou for all of your opinions and advice! I am going to have a good study on " the sleep lady shuffle" and be very consistant. -Wish me luck !! – Allana Mar 27 '17 at 00:33
  • No problem! I really hope it goes well for you. – Tom Bowen Mar 27 '17 at 07:44
  • Allana, you can vote on answers and even select the answer you used as the 'right' answer. This is the way we 'thank' others on this site. I hope you will continue to be a member here and feel free to add your answers to others. – WRX Mar 29 '17 at 14:12

2 Answers2

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try a weighted blanket ? they can feel comforted by them as they feel held

there is some information here mosaic

"These blankets work by providing input to the deep pressure touch receptors throughout the body," Moore says. "Deep pressure touch helps the body relax. Like a firm hug, weighted blankets help us feel secure, grounded, and safe." Source: Psychology Today

WRX
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bigbadmouse
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    I know it is difficult when you do not have enough points to comment. This is really a comment, not an answer. Could you perhaps link to an example of a weighted blanket or tell us about your knowledge or experience with using them? Then the flag for "This answer was flagged as low-quality because of its length and content." , would come off. – WRX Mar 28 '17 at 11:48
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    ok - i understand. I'm at work and can't spend ages researching things. Please remove the low-quality flag ? – bigbadmouse Mar 29 '17 at 09:16
  • I am not a mod and have no access to the system, but I think that helped a little. It can be difficult to provide what is necessary when we have life going on. I will see if there is something I can add from the link. I hope you do not mind what I added. Feel free to edit and 'fix' my selection. – WRX Mar 29 '17 at 12:59
  • I will add that weight is very comforting in many situations. These weighted blankets are therapeutic for people with challenges -- but also note that adults often like weight on them -- even in summer -- to sleep. It is comforting and it seems to be a penchant for humans. IMO, this is an interesting idea to try as long as the child is mobile. Weighted blankets are not for infants. – WRX Mar 29 '17 at 14:08
  • @willow must have been good as someone upvoted me. I dont mind your addition at all – bigbadmouse Mar 30 '17 at 14:00
  • I upvoted you. I think it was a good point. I hope you'll continue to post here. – WRX Mar 30 '17 at 14:02
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It sounds like you will need to do some form of Sleep Training. However there are many methods out there and it'll have to be down to your views which one you choose.

When most people think about Sleep Training they immediately think leaving their baby to cry for hours. However there are many "No Tears" methods and even controlled crying does not mean you abandon your baby.

I would encourage you to research various sleep training techniques, try ones that sound like they fit your beliefs, and if it doesn't work for you, try another. Nothing works for everyone.

Personally we chose a middle ground in something called "The Sleep Lady Shuffle". You can find a lot of information about it on the internet and there is a book on it called "Good Night, Sleep Tight" by Kim West.

Tom Bowen
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