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I have been involved in a sugar daddy relationship for a little while. He would send me money from Moneygram to Walmart from other people he was working with. I would then send most of the money to a bitcoin wallet. He asked me to make multiple bank accounts into which he makes transfers and the accounts are now frozen.

With all of this fraud with the bank accounts, I want out. But he says I have to pay him back thousands of dollars or he will call the cops or FBI on me. He has even said he would send people to kill me.

He has only given me about $2,000 through all of this. I have sent him back the majority of what he sends. I’m worried if I block him he will go through with his threats of calling the authorities. What should I do? Please help!

Ellie Kesselman
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Jennifer
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    Does this answer your question? Sugar daddy scammer threatening with police – Nij Jan 22 '24 at 06:42
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    Unrelated to the question, but perhaps you might want to anonymize your profile picture and username here by going to user preference and select "Edit profile". – Andrew T. Jan 22 '24 at 08:17
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    Take the advice offered here, BUT - unless this post and email and account are fully non traceable, and that's not your photo - delete this post NOW and delete your account. You are saying things here which could incriminate you. – Russell McMahon Jan 22 '24 at 12:29
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    Assuming you're in the US, I'd go with the FBI, rather than the police. This most likely crosses state lines, or national borders, so it's not in the purview of local police. Best case, you get a competent and decent police officer who directs you to the FBI. Worst case, you get an officer who needs to bump their numbers and sees you as an easy mark. – Dancrumb Jan 22 '24 at 16:33
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    Get a lawyer, if your accounts are being frozen, someone has already noticed. – JimmyJames Jan 22 '24 at 16:47
  • Probably best just to completely block him and forget about him. I doubt he would incriminate himself by going to the authorities. – Virgo Jan 24 '24 at 09:19
  • "he says I have to pay him back thousands of dollars or he will call the cops or FBI on me" — I wonder whether this scammer is lying to try to get money out of you. – Paul D. Waite Jan 24 '24 at 15:00

8 Answers8

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I'm not an attorney, for proper legal advice and evaluation of your situation and risks you're exposed to you should talk to an attorney. I'm sure there's a legal aid or free public defender legal advice in your jurisdiction if you can't afford one.

Other answers suggest you've committed a crime. That may or may not be true, a lawyer can help you understand your situation better. If you have in fact committed a crime, going to the police may potentially backfire as others suggest. That said - if you feel at risk of physical harm (e.g.: you feel like their threat to send someone to hurt you may be real) then you should act quickly and ask for police protection.

My personal opinion:

When someone is bluffing - call their bluff.

You're being threatened and blackmailed - that's a crime. Go to the police. The scammer is trying to bully you and scare you by claiming that the law enforcement will come after you in order to deter you from going to the law enforcement.

You've realized you've been used to commit crimes and once you've realized that you decided to get out of the scam. That's the right thing to do. The FBI has much bigger fish to fry than you. In fact, the scammer is that much bigger fish they'd like to fry with your help.

So, turn his threats on him, go to the police.

In any case, disengage, stop communicating and responding, and do not cooperate with the scammer now that you've realized you've been used in a criminal activity. It will only get worse.

littleadv
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    But definitely get a lawyer. While the police may want to fry bigger fish, they probably won't mind padding their numbers with some smaller ones, and without a lawyer, it's going to be hard to sort out what deals are actually absolving you of your crimes, and which have you signing a confession that they'll then use against you. – Sean Duggan Jan 22 '24 at 14:40
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    Talk to a lawyer first before talking to law enforcement. If anything you've done is a crime, law enforcement may use you as leverage in a way that's not in your best interests, while a lawyer will act on your behalf to minimize your liability (which is compliicated for financial things like this) before FBI or police tries to use you and your sugar daddy against each other. – user117529 Jan 22 '24 at 19:07
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    @SeanDuggan, sugar babies don't generally have the financial resources to pay for a lawyer. – TonyK Jan 22 '24 at 19:54
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    @TonyK: Yeah, but jail is expensive... not only lost income, but they'll charge you for the expense of jailing you. I suspect that even a small investment in a lawyer is going to pay off immensely. – Sean Duggan Jan 22 '24 at 21:47
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    @SeanDuggan: Many people have to borrow money from family to pay for a lawyer. Many don't even have family to borrow money from. It looks like you don't belong in either of these categories. – TonyK Jan 22 '24 at 23:53
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    You can get legal advice at very low cost. It won't be court representation, but it's way better than just winging it. – Therac Jan 24 '24 at 11:33
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    This puts WAY too much faith in law enforcement being nice and logical from the outsider's perspective. From their perspective, a case walks into the station and confesses to a crime unprompted? "Wow, a free clearance, and I barely have to do any work" – llama Jan 24 '24 at 19:37
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You have not been in a sugardaddy relationship. You've been a money mule assisting in laundering money.

First of all, this means he's a criminal. He won't call the cops on you, because that's essentially calling the cops on himself. Nor does he care about you, except as a money mule.

Second, the problem here is that what you've done is probably criminal as well; you've received stolen money and forwarded it in bitcoin. It's big enough sums that your accounts are frozen.

I don't flatly agree with other answers that you should go straight to the cops yourself. You should probably get a lawyer that can assist you - because you've done something criminal yourself.

vidarlo
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    Generally victims of a crime who inadvertently ended up assisting criminals are not punished for their situation and are rather encouraged to report and assist in persecuting the real criminals. That's how organized crime is being taken down, not by chasing down every last mule, but by figuring who's manipulating and controlling them. Of course talking to a lawyer is always good, but I wouldn't paint as bleak a picture for the OP as you're trying to paint. – littleadv Jan 22 '24 at 04:56
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    If OP is concerned for her immediate physical safety, I don't think it is best to suggest that she get a lawyer first. I agree with @littleadv for the most part. Yes, OP has been involved in a money laundering scam but she asked us for help with some urgency. I also agree with you, that this is NOT a "sugar daddy scam". – Ellie Kesselman Jan 22 '24 at 06:37
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    I know a lot say to talk to a lawyer but I don’t have the money to get a lawyer. Wish I never talked to this person ugh – Jennifer Jan 22 '24 at 17:32
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    It's probably better to go to the police before they come to you in that case... If you have accounts frozen things have started going sideways, and it will probably become a police case. – vidarlo Jan 22 '24 at 17:54
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    @JenniferBock Not getting a lawyer might very well be the more expensive option in the end. – Arno Jan 22 '24 at 18:15
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    @Jennifer search for "legal aid" or "public defender" in your jurisdiction. – littleadv Jan 22 '24 at 18:51
  • not a lawyer but i've heard most lawyers will give you a free consultation - you could try asking a few lawyers to see how they might handle your situation given the financial constraints – DeveloperACE Jan 23 '24 at 17:12
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    @littleadv I think that's a bit naïve... it's far more likely for a low-level drug dealer to be imprisoned for selling/intent to sell than for them to be used in prosecution of "the real criminals". Victims of sex trafficking are prosecuted for prostitution and drug use. TV and movies don't represent real life very well. – Bryan Krause Jan 23 '24 at 19:17
  • @BryanKrause yes, they will, but they will also plead out for a testimony and will receive reduced sentence. Maybe a misdemeanor charge instead of a felony. In the situation the OP describes, there's a pretty good chance a jury won't convict, so DAs won't necessarily want to bring every mule to trial even if they are technically guilty. – littleadv Jan 23 '24 at 19:22
  • @littleadv Everyone pleas out in the US, the court systems can't possibly afford trials for most defendants. But if OP can't afford a lawyer before they're accused of a crime, they're very unlikely to to be able to afford one to actually defend them, and a public defender is going to get them exactly the same plea deal that anyone else would get, regardless of mitigating circumstances. Remember that OP hasn't just gotten tricked once, they've done this repeatedly over many accounts trying to make money. – Bryan Krause Jan 23 '24 at 19:25
  • @BryanKrause I'm not disagreeing. The OP has in fact committed a crime, and may even be misrepresenting the facts in the question (intentionally or not) to appear more favorable. It's not unheard of, especially in the US, for even innocent people being charged and plea guilty just for the charges to go away, so there's that too. The whole system sucks. But what's your suggestion to the OP? Give in to the scammer? Risk the threats to materialize? Hide and hope it blows away? – littleadv Jan 23 '24 at 19:39
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    @littleadv "Don't go to the police before talking to a lawyer." "Don't assume the police will consider you a victim when you admit to a crime." – Bryan Krause Jan 23 '24 at 19:40
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    I did put the first paragraph in my answer specifically to point the legal risk out. The OP has also already responded to this suggestion. While it may make sense to a reasonable person, a reasonable person wouldn't be in this situation to begin with. – littleadv Jan 23 '24 at 19:42
  • You also don't need hundreds of hours from Baker McKenzie; just a lawyer who can assist you. – Marco Jan 25 '24 at 06:51
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You need to either go to your nearest police department or contact the FBI office in the city where you live. Choose whichever is closer or easier to get to.

If you are worried about getting the run-around at a busy police station, then call the FBI on the phone. They handle money laundering, bank fraud, extortion, and death threats.

Tomorrow is Monday. Call the FBI tomorrow morning. Tell them everything you have told us. They will help you and tell you what to do so that you can end this once and for all. Don't block the guy yet, but do NOT talk to him! No texts, no phone calls, no emails.

If you're really scared for your life, go to the police now even though it is Sunday.

pipe
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Ellie Kesselman
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  1. It's not profitable for such scammers to actually carry out those threats, because they are likely messaging hundreds of others at the same time, and their time is more valuable to them if they use it to find new victims. They are doing this for profit, and it will not profit them to pay people to have you killed. Also, they are very likely in a completely different country.

  2. Beware of how blackmailing works and how it escalates. Once you have shown yourself to be open to fulfilling their demands under threat, the blackmailing will never stop. They have no reason to stop. Even if you send them those thousands of dollars, they have no reason to not ask for more and more. Also, blackmailers can rope in their victims gradually, by first tricking you into committing a small crime, and forcing you to commit a bigger one to buy their silence on the smaller one. And then use the threat of reporting that bigger crime in order to force you to commit an even bigger one. And so on, until you realize you would have never agreed to it if they demanded the latest one right at the beginning and you wished you were caught in the first one.

  3. If you want to become a sex worker, it's your personal choice, it's not our job here to judge you for it. However, keep in mind that a sugar daddy relationship means that he gives you money and you provide sexual services in return. No one will give you money without meeting you in person and without you performing such services. If you've never met, and he promises you money without you sleeping with him, then you're not in a sugar daddy relationship, you're just a victim of a scam.

vsz
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    @breversa : the money mule is also a victim of the scam. Being a mule does not mean one cannot also be a victim at the same time. As soon as the original transfer is found out to be fraudulent or coming from stolen money or a hacked account, it is reversed, and the mule is in the negative. – vsz Jan 22 '24 at 09:13
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    "It's not profitable for such scammers to actually carry out those threats...": if he is a business man that is relevant; what if he is a psycho? If I were in OP's shoes I would definitely get the police involved. – Simon Crase Jan 22 '24 at 09:20
  • @SimonCrase : Of course, one might be extra careful, but we should take note of how such scams operate. They send out millions of messages to be able to establish profitable contact with mere hundreds. And the victims will dry up, some after making the first transfer, others after the bank notices it's suspicious and closes the account. You can also see on this very site how many sent their first transfer and then are getting doubts when asked to do another one. Or it ends when the victim runs out of money. This means that the scammers are constantly "losing" victims and getting new ones. – vsz Jan 22 '24 at 22:34
  • (cont) So for the scammer it's simple to send a threat to all victims whenever they want to leave, because even if a few of them send money, it's extra profit. But victims are lost and new victims sought out constantly, by the hundreds, so it makes no sense to actually try to physically harm hundreds of them who might be on the other side of the world. This is not someone dealing with a lone victim. The scammer (often a whole call center of scammers) is "working on" hundreds of victims at the same time. The OP is just one among hundreds of similar ones who likely got the exact same messages. – vsz Jan 22 '24 at 22:37
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    @vsz "Or it ends when the victim runs out of money". Or it ends because someone has the courage to go to the police, and get one piece of human garbage taken out of circulation. – Simon Crase Jan 23 '24 at 01:02
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    While I agree with the vast majority of what you said, it's not unheard of for a sugar daddy to pay for online sexual services without meeting in person. (See also OnlyFans.) However, as you said, this is not described as a sugar daddy setup, it appears to be a simple money laundering scam. – arp Jan 23 '24 at 03:40