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So basically, I was really desperate when I met this guy. I'm 18. He says he's in Canada right now, and will be back on the 23rd. When he isn't talking about money, he's been really upfront, honest, and genuine. But he offered to help me get a car, and I ended up giving over $2k worth, while he coughed up $1500, and he said he's going to help me pay off the final $2k when he brings the car to me. After, if I no longer want the car, he wants me to sell it at a higher price.

I'm AWARE this was stupid, but it was really convincing and I took a leap of faith. But now he's telling me he doesn't trust his personal assistant anymore or something, and wants to link his company account to mine. He wants me to apply for a credit card, because I haven't established credit yet, and I'm not sure if this is suspicious or what.

Like I said, he's told me he's going to come see me when he gets back to the states. I'm not sure if that will really happen, but he otherwise hasn't shown many signs of being a scammer. Like he is obviously from another country, but he lives in New York. Seems to trade a lot of bitcoin. But his english is good, he's intelligent. For the most part, in my opinion, he seems legit but... I still can't help but feel it's a bit suspicious.

Philipp
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user92405
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    I am very sorry to tell you that you have just had a very expensive two thousand dollar lesson. It may not seem so now, but you should consider it an investment. – Mawg says reinstate Monica Dec 16 '19 at 13:13
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    "he's told me he's going to come see me when he gets back to the states" - he has almost certainly been in the states the whole time – Mawg says reinstate Monica Dec 16 '19 at 13:15
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    @Mawg or, alternatively (and probably more likely), he's never been in the US in his life, and not in Canada either. – jcaron Dec 16 '19 at 14:03
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    My money went to Nigeria and all i got was this lousy t-shirt – Mawg says reinstate Monica Dec 16 '19 at 14:06
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    Real sugar daddies never need you to to give them money. If they need money, they just stop giving them to you... – Nelson Dec 16 '19 at 15:29
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    "hasn't shown many signs of being a scammer"? This story has the word 'scam' written all over it. "his english is good, he's intelligent."? So, are only stupid/non-native speakers able to scam? – Quora Feans Dec 16 '19 at 16:17
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    if your paying then he's not a sugar daddy your being scammed – Jack Dec 16 '19 at 16:18
  • How do you know for sure that he lives in New York? Also, English is spoken/ taught in schools all over the world. At least one of these countries is the namesake of a popular scam- but scammers can come from anywhere anyway. (EDIT- I'm not trying to be harsh, I am suggesting that you ask yourself these questions.) – Damila Dec 16 '19 at 16:32
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    "But his english is good, he's intelligent." And you see that as a sign that someone is honest? – glglgl Dec 16 '19 at 16:35
  • I don't understand how it came about that you gave him the initial $2000-- was that you sending him money for him to (supposedly) purchase the car? – Upper_Case Dec 16 '19 at 16:36
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    Seems to trade a lot of bitcoin that line at the end broke the gauges on my scam-o-meter – Felipe Pereira Dec 16 '19 at 17:49
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    If you've not shaken his hand, you haven't "met" him. Sugar daddies that you only know online aren't sugar daddies. – Draco18s no longer trusts SE Dec 16 '19 at 18:16
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    You used the phrase "he says" to describe his behaviour. That's really good attitude. Do more of that. Then consider adding "but he might not be". "He says he is in Canada, but he might not be". "He says he's going to see me, but he might not". "He says he doesn't trust his admin, but the admin might not even exist". Keep developing your skeptical attitude and that will help you avoid being scammed more in the future. – Eric Lippert Dec 16 '19 at 18:24
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    Burn @EricLippert's above advice into your mind - literally practice that thinking, actual training sessions, until it is automatic in response to anything anyone ever tells you unless you have additional evidence. That doesn't mean automatically disbelieve either. Simply do not allow possible truths to collapse down to just truths in your mind without keeping mental track of what you know for sure and what you don't - what knowledge is still missing or what you could learn that would be evidence for or against. It's mentally harder, but it's extremely valuable. – mtraceur Dec 16 '19 at 19:04
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    Desperate at 18? For what, money? – Möoz Dec 16 '19 at 21:49
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    RUN DON'T WALK, away from this entire situation. Lose his contact information and never talk to him again. Except perhaps to report him to the authorities. He's not going to come through for you. No way. Get out now, and stay out. I cannot possibly overstate this. Also, and please don't think I'm judging, a sugar daddy is generally a bad idea. Many, many women have suffered abuse and extortion in these situations. Some have even been trafficked. – bopapa_1979 Dec 16 '19 at 22:09
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    @bopapa_1979 Or murdered. – shoover Dec 17 '19 at 02:58
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    You need a lot of education about human trafficking. – WGroleau Dec 17 '19 at 04:27
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    Might be worth reporting this person to the authorities. Another potential victim might then be saved from fraud. – Frank Dec 17 '19 at 06:20
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    Real sugar daddy's don't care about $2,000 – Five Bagger Dec 17 '19 at 09:53
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    If I was in your shoes I would say the bank requires 2000$ upfront to open a bank account but that I don't have it, let the scammer send back my money, then run away. – Gizmo Dec 17 '19 at 10:57
  • @shoover Roger that. – bopapa_1979 Dec 17 '19 at 15:02

5 Answers5

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People that have money and want to help others don't need money sent to them in order to do so, and there is no scenario where you opening up a credit card would enable a stranger to help you financially.

When a scammer gets a payout from someone, they very frequently try to get more from the person. In this case the scammer got $2,000 from you, they likely know that you don't have more spare cash, so getting you to open a line of credit would be a good way for them to get more from you.

There's no reason to give this person access to your bank/credit accounts.

I certainly hope that I'm wrong, and that this vehicle will be delivered, but none of it sounds believable to me. Don't risk losing more.

Hart CO
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    Alright, noted. Thank you for not being harsh, this is embarrassing enough as it is. But I'm definitely not talking to him anymore. – user92405 Dec 16 '19 at 07:13
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    It's a bad situation, but you're asking for help. There are some people who give out their life saving, re-mortgage their homes, take out half a million loan, and still can be in denial about their phantom boyfriends. This is a super important lesson; always ask for more info. Scammers always get pissed off and wants you to finish the deal. – Nelson Dec 16 '19 at 15:23
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    @user92405 this is embarrassing enough as it is. - thank you for asking despite the embarrassment. Scam victims are often so upset that they never tell anyone what happened, which keeps other potential victims ignorant and lets the scammers continue to trick people. Talking about it and spreading the message of how the scammer operated will help others avoid the trap. – dwizum Dec 16 '19 at 15:42
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    +1 for "People that have money and want to help don't need money sent to them" – J. Chris Compton Dec 16 '19 at 17:35
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    @user92405 You probably shouldn't cut contact with him. There may be other things you can do. You should google around for that, or ask another question. I think the usual answer is to get in contact with the FBI. It may be worth reversing the game and playing it out ("Hey babe, great news! I just got approved for a giant credit card! We can talk again about your company situation after the car gets delivered. xoxo", then of course never actually opening a credit card for him. It should be clear from "People that have money and want to help don't need money sent to them") – Mars Dec 17 '19 at 04:20
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There is a very simple test to apply to any question that asks about sugar daddies. Are you having sex with the guy? If not, it's a scam. The odds of any guy just wanting to give you money are about the same as your odds of winning the lottery. That's just the way life is.

Of course even if you are having sex with the guy, he still could be planning to scam you*. If he actually wants to give you money, he could pay your rent, make direct deposits to your bank account, or just hand you cash. He does not need, and should not have, any personal financial details.

*As happened to a good friend of mine. Met a guy, fell in love, he moved in, and she was happy for about 6 months. Then he cleaned out her bank account, ran up bills on her credit cards, and left town with her jewelry, leaving his dog behind. Really nice dog, too.

jamesqf
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    At least the dog won out – Mawg says reinstate Monica Dec 16 '19 at 13:14
  • It could be worse: some force their victims into prostitution to "pay off their debts". – gerrit Dec 16 '19 at 14:33
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    Pfft. She got an awesome dog out of the deal. I think she was the winner here. – Valorum Dec 16 '19 at 15:04
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    Probably wasn't his dog. – Laconic Droid Dec 16 '19 at 15:47
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    Note the comment by dwizum under https://money.stackexchange.com/questions/109924/am-i-being-scammed-by-a-sugar-daddy : "To provide some insight (which to be clear I've gained via working in the financial industry, not via participating in this social construct). it is very common both for sugar daddies to send money to people they haven't met in person, and for sugar relationships to never materialize in the real world and be completely online..." – Daniel R. Collins Dec 16 '19 at 15:55
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    Maybe the dog refused to go – J. Chris Compton Dec 16 '19 at 17:34
  • That's a big "if". The simple moral judgment involves a key to the development of trust: A person who does not reliably make and keep simple commitments cannot be trusted. – pygosceles Dec 16 '19 at 22:44
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    The idea of a sugar daddy is that it's someone you would not want to marry. You only spend time with them and have sex with them becuase they give you gifts. If I win the lottery I might give it a try :-) – Paul McCarthy Dec 16 '19 at 23:41
  • I know it's somewhat hard to believe but there are people out there giving away money without requiring sex, anything "physical" or in fact anything at all. (A good friend of mine had a stranger's credit card with a 2.500€ limit each month to spend and she used it for over a year!) The only thing she did was some chatting and writing mails - no pictures and nothing even remotely sexual. It's a fetish, it's extremely rare and it doesn't start with an outright offer, but simply saying that it can't happen, is wrong. – Thomas Dec 17 '19 at 10:40
  • So why not upgrade? As long as there's an easy out, there isn't much if any security in such an arrangement. – pygosceles Dec 17 '19 at 16:29
  • @Thomas: Yeah, and some people DO win the lottery. Doesn't mean that buying lottery tickets isn't a losing proposition for the vast majority. – jamesqf Dec 17 '19 at 18:04
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    @GlenYates Or people just want to have some fun, which is completely unrelated to marriage. Really, the only reason to think that every relationship must be seen as a precursor to marriage only makes sense if you see recreational sex as somehow immoral. There’s no way in hell a comment is sufficient (or the right place) to convince anybody otherwise but I’d still like to explicitly note that the very thought is absurd, and deeply problematic. – Konrad Rudolph Dec 17 '19 at 19:42
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It is obvious Romance scam. Consider yourself is lucky as you only "spent" $2000. Some people simply lose ten or even hundreds of thousands when they fall into a relationship sunk cost fallacy trap.

Apparently, the scammer attempted to upgrade the scam and try to lure you to give consent to charge on your credit card.

You should get over this and account this as a lesson paid (don't blame yourself on stupidity as many "adults" also fall for the sunk cost fallacy trap). Report it to the police if you think it is deemed necessary, just in case the scammer switches the tactics to blackmail.

On the language speaking part, Tim Harford has a throughout writing on Why we fall for cons.

B-K
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mootmoot
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    I've, myself, only fallen for two scams in my life. Both of which I was able to identify and get out of (one way or another) before I lost any money. One was the "free watch with magazines" call (it was early in the morning before I normally woke up, realized five minutes later, canceled my credit card). The other was an attempt to hijack my Steam account. I forked over more information than I'd like to admit, but never lost control of my account. Only other incident I can think of was someone charging YouTube Red (and similar) to my CC, no idea how, got that resolved and all $250 back. – Draco18s no longer trusts SE Dec 16 '19 at 18:24
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You can add anyone to a company credit line or even a personal credit line without them applying for anything.

It is called an "authorized user".

His request for you to do anything isn't necessary and should be a major red flag.

CQM
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Glad you used your brain and not feelings when you assessed your "sugar daddy's" request. Good for you! Your description of him screams, scammer!, loud and clear. If I myself would be so inclined to become a sugar daddy, I would reverse the flow of cash so my sugar would be on the end of receiving, not the other way around. Stay sharp :)

Mik Wadström
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