What does '家に、とてもおしゃべりですが、学校に、ぜんぜん話しません' translate to?

Question

I'm trying to translate the sentence 'at home, she's very talkative but at school, she never talks/is very shy' roughly into Japanese. Does '家に、とてもおしゃべりですが、学校に、ぜんぜん話しません' make sense? If not, how should I reword it?

Answer 1

• As a place marker, you have to use で instead of these two に. に is used with motion verbs (such as 行く, 来る, 動く) and verbs that describes existence (such as いる, ある, 住む). See: Particles: に vs. で
• This is a typical case where contrastive-wa has to be used.
• I think there are a bit too many commas, although this is a minor problem.

Corrected version:

（彼女は）家ではとてもおしゃべりですが、学校ではぜんぜん話しません。