What are some tricks for avoiding the tu/vous dilemma?

Question

Following on from this question about using vous/tu, and specifically a throwaway remark by subtenante, what are some tricks that you can use to avoid having to use either, if you're uncertain?

score 18 · Accepted Answer · answered Aug 18 '11 at 19:25

There are several strategies.

Change the whole focus of the sentence. For instance, you want to flatter the person by asking "did you cook this meal yourself?" (knowing that he/she did cook it indeed), you'd be tempted to ask avez-vous cuisiné ce plat vous-même? ; you'll have to ask ce plat est délicieux, qui l'a cuisiné ? instead.
For "your", instead of ton/votre, always use ce. You want to borrow something, you won't ask it like "puis-je emprunter ton/votre ..." but either "puis-je emprunter ce ...".
If talking to someone you know very well from an organisation, like a different company, but you're not sure of the context (formal/informal?) just always say vous and pretend you talk about the organisation as a whole, which is always a plural, if you get any remark.
Sometimes, you just can't. In this case, use vous repeatedly until the person makes clear that the tu is ok. :)
Some people have the dirty habit of using neither vous nor tu but will use a third-person instead. Typical from shop owners who want to sound a little fancy: Et il lui faudra quoi au monsieur? Do not do that.

Marking as accepted because this is exactly what I was looking for. — Benjol, Aug 23 '11 at 12:51
Upvoted for the "do not do that" (et il lui faudra quoi au monsieur), that's so ugly — Cedric H., Sep 02 '11 at 16:29

score 5 · Answer 2 · answered Aug 18 '11 at 19:29

5

Use this simple rule: use vous by default.

I often ask if I can use tu after a couple of sentences. The answer is always yes.

answered Aug 18 '11 at 19:29

3

Probably the safest approach, but I would qualify it by a note on the importance of age difference: without going full-blown into the whole vous vs. tu debate, if you are within a couple years of each other, and both under 30-40, "tu" is probably a safe default... – Dave Aug 19 '11 at 00:52

score 5 · Answer 3 · answered Aug 18 '11 at 19:38

5

Use "tu" and say "My mother tongue is english, I don't do such difference" and smile

answered Aug 18 '11 at 19:38

Nelstaar

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I though thou always used you. – Un francophone Aug 23 '11 at 16:45

score 2 · Answer 4 · edited Apr 13 '17 at 12:56

2

Another trick as I discovered by answering another question : sometimes, you can use nous:

Ne nous énervons pas!
Comment allons-nous ce matin?
Prendons-nous du sucre avec notre café?

I'm not saying it's always applicable, and it will sound weird in a lot of cases, but it's worth knowing.

As already mentionned, the third person can also be used, but probably only butlers can pull that one off:

Monsieur a-t-il bien dormi?
Madame est servie.

edited Apr 13 '17 at 12:56

Community

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answered Sep 02 '11 at 08:45

Joubarc

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Alors, nous avons un problème avec l'ajout des liens? :) – Benjol Sep 02 '11 at 09:01
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Nous ne nous abaissons pas à relire notre réponse avant de la soumettre. – Joubarc Sep 02 '11 at 09:04
Ca, c'est une autre utilisation du nous ! On dit 'le nous royal' en français ? – Benjol Sep 02 '11 at 09:15
Va voir l'autre question :-) – Joubarc Sep 02 '11 at 09:17
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I would not recommend that a non-native speaker attempt nous or monsieur in the second person. It's a very uncommon turn of phrase; at best it is likely to be misunderstood, and if understood it will often be perceived as condescending. As the TLF puts it (I.A.4.b): “exprimer certaines nuances de sentiment (sympathie, condescendance, reproche affectueux, parfois ironie)”. – Gilles 'SO nous est hostile' Sep 02 '11 at 09:23
That's not a good trick: if (and I say if :p) these examples would be acceptable, then in all these cases, the "vous" would have been better than this "nous" or "monsieur" and you should not even think to use "tu"... – Cedric H. Sep 02 '11 at 16:31
Just to be clear, I'm not recommending or even advocating this, and certainly not for new speakers. But I feel it's worth mentionning. That said, I believe Ne nous énervons pas isn't that bad. – Joubarc Sep 02 '11 at 17:03

score 1 · Answer 5 · edited Feb 23 '14 at 12:58

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Ne pas adresser la parole à la personne concernée
Parler seulement de généralités en évitant de s'adresser directement à la personne
Parler toujours au pluriel

edited Feb 23 '14 at 12:58

Toto