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I've been together with my boyfriend for around 9 years now. There are times when I want to communicate that I am referring to someone who plays a major role in my life, like that of a husband, and "boyfriend" does not seem adequate.

To me, "boyfriend" seems to signify a newer relationship, one that is still in the experimental phase.

I've tried out a couple of other words, but they don't seem to carry the meaning I want.

"Partner" seems too detached, and makes me think of business partners.

"Companion" makes me think of a dog.

"Lover" seems too casual and is not really something I'd want to use in the workplace or when I'm trying to appear professional.

"Significant other" is what I would like to say, but I dislike using the term because there are so many syllables and it seems so wordy.

Is there a shorter term to use to describe a long term boyfriend/girlfriend that fills the role of a husband/wife?

tchrist
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Rachel
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    "Common-law husband" is also an accurate alternative that just doesn't sound right. – Mitch Jul 26 '12 at 17:26
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    "Partner," detached as it sounds, is gaining currency, certainly in Canada. Its connotation is steadily shifting too, I think, in the public consciousness from detached to, let's say, attached. – JAM Jul 26 '12 at 17:51
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    Why not get engaged? Then it's simply, my fiancé! – Gary Willoughby Jul 26 '12 at 18:02
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    Related: Word for partner you are living with but not married to ¦ How to say “She/He is my girlfriend/boyfriend” without the possessive “my” ¦ Hesitation to use “girlfriend” in reference to old people – Matt E. Эллен Jul 26 '12 at 18:15
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    Related: What is a synonym for “girlfriend”? – Matt E. Эллен Jul 26 '12 at 18:16
  • @MattЭллен I looked through those before posting this question, but two are asking about what term to use instead of girlfriend/boyfriend for older people that are no longer a girl or boy, one is simply about what to call someone you live with, and the last one doesn't seem to relate to this question at all. None of them are about what term to use for a long-term girl/boyfriend, when you want to signify something more permanent like a husband/wife. Thanks though. – Rachel Jul 26 '12 at 18:20
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    @GaryWilloughby I thought of that, but I'd rather find a term to use that doesn't involve getting engaged. If we do get married, I want to don't want it to be because "fiancé is easier to say than significant other". Perhaps someday we'll get married, but right now it's not high on my list of priorities :) – Rachel Jul 26 '12 at 18:29
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    @JAM is right, and not just in Canada. The term partner nowadays usually denotes a member of a serious, long-term romantic relationship, up to and including marriage. This is becoming so prevalent that you need to say business partner if you mean business partner, lest you come across as implying a romantic relationship that isn't there. (And this is the case regardless of the respective ages or genders of the business partners, because there are more and more romantic relationships of all shapes and colors these days.) – John Y Jul 26 '12 at 21:24
  • @JohnY, indeed, in Canada the term partner (in English, anyway) is especially useful, given legal same-sex marriage, in that it applies equally to any romantic partner. – JAM Jul 26 '12 at 22:19
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    We took the term "fiancé" from the french and it works well for our purposes. Maybe it is time to adopt another word for this kind of relationship. Japanese use "koibito" and in Spanish I understand it is "novio". Some comedian or movie needs to get this thing solved! Where is Seinfeld when you need him... – BillyNair Jul 27 '12 at 05:33
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    Depending on your viewpoint (you might find this overly poetic or dreadfully old-fashioned), you might at least consider the word intended. – J.R. Jul 27 '12 at 06:08
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    Are you living with ("shacking up") with your boyfriend? If so, I'm told that at one time the Internal Revenue Service in the United States referred to unmarried couples as POSSLQs (pronounced pah' suhl cuse), meaning "persons [of] opposite sex sharing living quarters." To be politically correct, I guess the acronym could stay the same, but the words it stands for would need to change to "persons [of] same sex sharing living quarters." Either way, though, for tax purposes the IRS doesn't care if you're married or not, they just want their taxes from everyone, regardless of marital status. – rhetorician Sep 18 '13 at 20:34
  • After 9 years? Just get engaged. Even if you don't get married(or stay engaged for a long time), even if just to be able to call him your fiance instead of boyfriend. – Cruncher Dec 10 '13 at 18:01
  • @rhetorician I just researched this for a government form: cohabitant is legally defined as an unmarried couple living together and sharing living expenses. Certainly, codes and jurisdictions will vary this. – Krista K Jun 21 '18 at 16:09

9 Answers9

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In Britain, it is normally partner.

However, other half is common too. It connotes being half of a couple, which may be just what you want.

Andrew Leach
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    I like this one. 'Partner' is nice and concise, and 'other half' is maybe a little poetic for normal use, but workable. I suppose I should add that, at least where I live, 'partner' is often used by couples who are not allowed to get married (e.g. homosexual couples), but that are more serious than simple boyfriend/girlfriend (i.e. at a point that they likely would get married if allowed). – Jesse M Jul 26 '12 at 17:59
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    Comment from U.S. I've heard partner used fairly frequently, often by homosexual couples but also by couples in exactly in Rachel's situation (and I've occasionally heard it used to describe married couples). – psr Jul 26 '12 at 19:35
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    'partner' is so frequently used in Italy that that is considered an Italian word nowadays. +1 –  Jul 26 '12 at 21:52
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    Term is used in Australasia too. The term can be ambiguous at business meetings if you also work with the person. – marabutt Jul 27 '12 at 02:40
  • FYI, I believe the term "other half" derives from Aristophanes' speech in Plato's Symposium. – Nick Jul 27 '12 at 04:02
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    +1 Partner is the normal/best word. OP is simply mistaken in assuming this word is "more detached" (and if she thinks it's only applicable to business partners, she needs to get out more after work! :) – FumbleFingers Oct 04 '12 at 17:29
  • @FumbleFingers Agreed. This is from the UK 2011 census: http://i.imgur.com/KT0ODhF.png – Tucker Mar 13 '15 at 10:47
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There's not really one that I'm aware of-- or one that at least, as you said, doesn't carry other strange connotations with it or isn't long/awkward/wordy.

Honestly, I would just recommend 'boyfriend' for everyday use. I know it sounds a little juvenile (I've been with my girlfriend for much less time than you and it already feels a little insufficient), but it's a quick, easy term that people will immediately understand, and it doesn't always have to apply to less serious couples.

Jesse M
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    I think you're right, "boyfriend" might just be the way to go. Times have changed and I think the term is not viewed in quite the same light as it once was. I was hoping there was a better term I wasn't aware of, but that does not sound like the case. – Rachel Jul 26 '12 at 18:33
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A common self-deprecating idiom from the UK is referring to your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife as your better half.

Kaz Dragon
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5

You can simply qualify the generic partner to life partner.

I think life partner carries the connotations of commitment and longevity that you're looking for.

Gnawme
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4

• Steady is sometimes used as a noun meaning "long term boyfriend/girlfriend", but I don't recall any "fills the role of a husband/wife" connotation to that term.
• Live-in sometimes is used that way, but of course may be confused with a live-in household employee.
• My man is perhaps the most concise phrase that connotes a long-term relationship like you describe, whether connubial or not.
• Common-law or common-law marriage ("A marriage based on the duration of cohabitation rather than formal ceremony") may apply.
•Domestic legal union is a term sometimes used (admittedly less compact than significant other), but as noted at mcgrathspielberger.com,

The term “domestic legal union” is a made-up one with no definition or useful history, but by the words themselves would seem to describe any committed relationship other than traditional marriage.

James Waldby - jwpat7
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    +1 for "My man" (or "my guy", as I'm more likely to say). It's something I can easily see using in casual conversation, although I probably wouldn't use it when I'm trying to be more formal or professional. – Rachel Jul 26 '12 at 18:32
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A more intimate and more meaningful word than partner could be, soulmate, sometimes spelled as two words, soul mate.

A soulmate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity. This may involve similarity, love, intimacy, sexuality, sexual activity, spirituality, or compatibility and trust.

I think, it tells the listener that you have found "the one", the person who completes you. It also suggests that the relationship between you and your boyfriend is solid and stable.

Mari-Lou A
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Further to jwpat's mention of "my man," in the 70's (?? I'm not sure), there were the terms "Main Man" for boyfriend and "Main Squeeze" for either boyfriend or girlfriend. (Although I remember being told by someone older that "Main Squeeze" was specifically for girlfriend.)

Ward - Trying Codidact
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I work in a professional services firm run by partners, so we tend to use "spouse," also for the unmarried, when "guest" doesn't work.

Alice Tremain
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I have encountered some people who just say SO ("ess oh") as short for significant other. You might have to expand it the first time, but sooner or later people will catch on.

Kate Bertelsen
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