Is "Good boy!" still appropriate for a child?

Question

I have a neighbor who is a non-native in English. When she sees my little son playing around, she often exclaims: "Good boy! Goooood boooy!"

It always feels inapropriate. This phrase seems to be used exclusively for dogs by native speakers.

Do native speakers ever use "good boy" regarding a child?

Google ngrams seem an especially inaccurate tool to use here, as there are lots of early hits for recent examples in works of Children's literature. I don't believe the vast rises in usage of 'good boy' and 'a good boy' suggested. I'd think 'Good boy' sounded patronising or very dated nowadays (UK NW). — Edwin Ashworth, Jan 24 '23 at 18:56
People say good boy/girl referring to their male/female pets because they see them as their own children. — user 66974, Jan 24 '23 at 19:19
"I'd think 'Good boy' sounded patronising or very dated nowadays (UK NW)" ditto here (US NW). I'm the parent of a small child and only use and hear "good job". But I also don't know what kind of resources we could find that would prove this better than anecdote. — Juhasz, Jan 24 '23 at 19:26
@Juhasz isn't 'good job' a particularly American idiom? In UK sometimes a 'job' refers to the pet's toilet business. — Weather Vane, Jan 24 '23 at 20:32
@Juhasz In the UK, good job is considered patronising and is usually considered to be offensive. — Chenmunka, Jan 24 '23 at 22:18
The part that really is inappropriate is saying "Goooood boooy!" as if the child or dog is stupid. Neither children nor animals need "baby talk". — Weather Vane, Jan 24 '23 at 22:51
In the UK we say "Well done!" rather than "Good job" - at least, I do. — Kate Bunting, Jan 25 '23 at 09:20
There might be an aspect of regional dialect here. I've always heard "good boy" used to praise children, or "good lad". — AJFaraday, Jan 25 '23 at 12:52
@WeatherVane In Lancashire, often, but it depends a bit on the adult, it's highly informal. — AJFaraday, Jan 25 '23 at 13:51
@Chenmunka Only if said sarcastically, and comparable phrases like ‘good work’ or ‘well done’ work the same way. If someone says to me without sarcasm, “You’ve got all that done already? Wow, good job!”, then it’s neither patronising nor offensive – just an Americanism creeping in. — Janus Bahs Jacquet, Jan 25 '23 at 16:21
May be less awkward in a sentence than as an expression on its own. Similar examples to "Were you a good boy for Nana while Mummy was shopping?" are common enough and don't sound patronising. — mcalex, Jan 25 '23 at 17:21
It's only anecdotal so I'll just make a comment instead of an answer, but: for my preschool child, it felt weird to say it when I had a dog, and does not feel weird to say it after we'd been without the dog for awhile. So I guess context matters. Can always do "that's my boy" if you want something similar but with less baggage. — Brendan, Jan 25 '23 at 20:23
Many years ago when i was a boy I chafed at people who said that to me; at that time it seemed to be said mostly by the elderly, which at my age then probably meant somebody over 50. — Michael, Jan 26 '23 at 17:47
Long ago, when I was teaching, I began to be very careful what I said, after saying to a student "That's looking good" - student said "you swore sir, you shouldn't say 'f---ing". — Tim, Jan 27 '23 at 14:57
Very clearly parents, older siblings, other family members, neighbours and anyone else in contact with a small child will use 'Good boy/girl'
Why would they not, unless they came from a Woke background? — Robbie Goodwin, Jan 27 '23 at 22:30

score 31 · Accepted Answer · answered Jan 24 '23 at 21:29

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Yes, it's still in use. However, in my experience, it's used most often alongside baby talk, only sometimes with the youngest school age kids (5–9 or so), and very rarely with kids older than that.

Around Christmas time, when Santa is working on his lists, it's pretty common to ask kids if they've been "good boys and girls". See for example these letters to Santa from four and five year olds.

"Good boy/girl" is not, however, universally accepted as a good thing to say to a child. See Study: Praise Children For What They Do, Not Who They Are.

The article The English Expressions Good Boy and Good Girl and Cultural Models of Child Rearing provides a very thorough review of the subject and its historical origins. Apparently it doesn't really have parallels in other languages.

answered Jan 24 '23 at 21:29

Laurel

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I can't hear a person called "good boy" without thinking of the Teen Queens hit single from 1958, "You Good Boy, You Get Cookie." – Sven Yargs Jan 25 '23 at 04:52
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I used to hear it all the time in a private school in Sommerset, UK where I worked. It is true that the teachers use it as a compliment for younger aged students. Sometimes though, the children were giggling and joking about the similarity with what your say to your pet :-) – fev Jan 25 '23 at 14:08
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I would add that it's not unnatural, just not common. To me it connotes a sense of old-school/old-timey paternalism that can come off as heavily patronizing or condescending. Certain select situations or characters can avoid some of the negative feelings (Santa, as mentioned, as he's an old, jolly, grandfatherly figure and it's something of a set phrase for him) but for most others, at best, I would imagine a somewhat stiff, old-fashioned authority figure (e.g. Ron Swanson). – Aos Sidhe Jan 25 '23 at 16:11
"The English Expressions Good Boy and Good Girl and Cultural Models of Child Rearing" is weak on the historical theology of Puritans -- preferring what other people said about their theology over what their theologian wrote, and reversing cause and effect. – david Jan 26 '23 at 07:36

user 66974 · Answer 2 · 2023-01-27T19:12:34.973

The expression appears to be still in use, especially for the reasons stated below.

As per MacMillan Dictionary:

good boy/girl

used for praising a child or a pet when they have done something correctly

Have you done your homework? Good girl.

As per Merriam Webster

that's a good boy/girl/dog (etc.) idiom

—used especially to praise a child or animal for obeying Please pick up your toys. That's a good girl. Sit. That's a good dog.

As per Cambridge Dictionary:

there's a good boy/girl/dog! idiom (mainly UK)

used to show approval or encouragement: Tie your shoelaces, there's a good girl!

Examples from the Corpus (Longman Dictionary)

• I am Pa's best boy.

• Randolph worked his hardest, pulling away, while Santa delivered all the presents to the good boys and girls.

• He's a good boy, and he's very strong.

• I tried to be a good girl and stay out of the way.

• He coughed, told Oliver to dry his eyes and be a good boy, and walked on with him in silence.

• Good boys, good boys, good boys.

• He had been a very good boy indeed.

Rather telling that all three dictionary examples about humans picked "good girl", not "good boy". For some (patriarchal / sexist?) cultural reason, "good girl" is used a lot more widely and for much wider age ranges of girls/women. (Laurel's answer has links to some articles about the history and effects on a child's self-image.) — Peter Cordes, Jan 27 '23 at 15:01

score 8 · Answer 3 · answered Jan 26 '23 at 01:30

I'm an American native speaker of English. I have four children and have never in my life said "good boy!" or "good girl!" to them. It sounds like you're talking to a dog.

I have said things like "were you a good boy for Grandma", but not recently: that's baby talk and I probably stopped saying it around the time they could respond in full sentences.

Any non-native speakers of English, I would recommend that you not use it with children that don't have fur. :-)

score 6 · Answer 4 · answered Jan 24 '23 at 19:29

Native speakers often use "good boy" for children, but only for the very young, and only in response to some accomplishment (such as eating vegetables, picking up belongings, etc.). So the phrase may be "inappropriate" use of colloquial English, but not necessarily "inappropriate" in the sense of "creepy." Though that could happen, too.

score 3 · Answer 5 · answered Jan 24 '23 at 19:30

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As mentioned in the other answer, it's certainly not incorrect for someone to use refer to a child as being a "good boy" or a "good girl". However, one thing that the other answer doesn't mention is context.

There is a level of ambiguity as to when "good boy/girl" becomes inappropriate, however, this ambiguity comes from the ambiguity surrounding when exactly a child is no longer a child.

Merriam-Webster dictionary defines a child in the following ways:

Child:

1a: a young person especially between infancy and puberty

1b: a person not yet of the age of majority

2a: a son or daughter of human parents

3a: an unborn or recently born person

Therefore, whilst it is true that the description is appropriate for a "child" is up to you discretion whether or not this is an appropriate description based on the circumstances.

With all this said, given the fact that you describe your son as a child, I would say that it is fine in this case. This is especially the case given the fact that the woman in question does not speak English and so there is unlikely to be any malicious intent here in any case.

answered Jan 24 '23 at 19:30

FD_bfa

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Well, one crucial thing appears to be clear. The expression is still used. – user 66974 Jan 24 '23 at 19:35
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It is still in use, but I would say that it's ambiguous at what point is becomes unacceptable as there is no clear cutoff point @user66974 – FD_bfa Jan 24 '23 at 19:37
I agree but it is hard to draw a line in that respect. I’ve always heard it used for small children and pets. – user 66974 Jan 24 '23 at 19:41
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I think we agree for the most part. I would just emphasise the point that for older children it's less obvious whether or not it's acceptable. I think another good point (that I didn't mention in my answer based on the context given in the question), is that the tone also plays a large role in whether or not it's being directed as a compliment or being said in an inappropriate way @user66974 – FD_bfa Jan 24 '23 at 19:45
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If you say “Good boy”, and the child says “you’re so cringe”, then you know it’s time to stop using it. – gnasher729 Jan 25 '23 at 21:39

Is "Good boy!" still appropriate for a child?

5 Answers5