I am not sure about the grammatical correctness of the above sentence. I am writing a fictional short story and this sentence is part of the narrative.
My friend says it should be "If not for his wide, thin lips, which were perpetually drawn in a single disapproving line, she would have been attracted to him too."
But even that sounds a bit odd to me. Can anyone confirm which one is correct, and if neither, then how can it be framed using the same structure.
