1

I've searched for situations similar to mine but so far haven't found anything adequate. I'm editing a manuscript right now that has the sentence: I’m in college remember and I need this job at the moment.

I've tried using dashes before and after the word remember. I've tried commas. I've tried breaking it up into two different sentences. I'm thinking about a semicolon after remember and deleting the word "and". But I can't figure out which one looks or sounds best and/or is grammatically/technically correct.

Thoughts?

Cyn
  • 11
  • 3
    It's an aside: you separate "remember" with commas, em-dashes, or parentheses. The semicolon is okay, but doing so completely changes the "feel" of the sentence. If it's not your writing, I'd go with commas. If it is yours, then you should probably rework the surrounding text if you feel this portion is out of place, because nothing is technically wrong with any of the options you've tried. – VampDuc Jun 14 '16 at 16:50
  • 1
    I'd instinctively go for "I'm in college, remember, and I need this job at the moment". But then I tend to overuse commas, I think. But anyway the "at the moment" is more bothersome to me; I can't think of a way to make it look more formal and less like quoting speech. – Dan Bron Jun 14 '16 at 16:52
  • 2
    It might be because remember is used, orally, often with a slight inflection that indicates something between interrogation and imperative. It's a way of saying "I'm in college –(do you) remember (that?)– I need this job". I have no source for that but try saying out loud your sentence, and you may see what I mean. Personally I'd use "I'm in college –remember?– I need this job." see http://english.stackexchange.com/questions/36821/using-a-question-mark-mid-sentence for use of ? in a sentence. – P. O. Jun 14 '16 at 17:01
  • Thanks for the replies. I never got notification of them in my email for some reason. Glad I checked. I recently changed it to I’m in college, remember – and I need this job at the moment.

    However, I do like what P. Obertelli mentioned even though some words have been removed, ("I'm in college –remember?– I need this job.") mostly because it fits with the tone of the narrator and story.

     – Cyn Jun 14 '16 at 21:46
  • @DanBron said: "But anyway the "at the moment" is more bothersome to me; I can't think of a way to make it look more formal and less like quoting speech."

    You're right. It was too wordy and unnecessary. I ended up removing it based on what P.Obertelli suggested.

    P.S. I hope I'm doing these tags right. I've been reading through the site off and on for over a year but didn't join until today. Still feeling my way around, sorry.

     – Cyn Jun 14 '16 at 21:54

1 Answers1

1

Personally, I would say, "Remember, I'm in college; I need this job."

user180738
  • 11
  • Fair answer, but can you elaborate on why? Otherwise we have no way of deciding which approach is best. – Dan Bron Jun 14 '16 at 19:07
  • I like this suggestion as well, but given the tone of the narrator (wisecracking, sarcastic, ADHD) and story (comedic) it's a bit more formal than it needs to be. There's a suggestion upthread that feels more like how the character would say it. – Cyn Jun 14 '16 at 21:49