Expressing sudden interruption in written, narrative speech

Question

Question: What is the lexical technique for expressing sudden interruptions in written, narrative speech?

For example:

I was walking down the street when— wait! Look at that!

In the example above, I use an em dash, but the interruption does not contain the magnitude that I was going for.

The mind almost never processes text in linearity, and this makes it difficult to create sudden events in written narrative speech.

Speaking however, is a sequential process that allows employing speech devices such as intonation and inflection in order to achieve a desired magnitude.

Is there a formal writing technique for expressing an interruption with a magnitude greater than that of in my example, in written narrative speech?

I think an em dash is used for this. Please see here and here. — anongoodnurse, Nov 14 '14 at 04:18
the em dash is used to indicate interrupted speech, you are writing in the past tense, so the speech is not interrupted your will have to describe what happened. "...when suddenly" / "when Bang! A gunshot." / "when darkness enveoped me, I found an open manhole." — Jasen, Jan 26 '18 at 10:15

score 3 · Accepted Answer · edited Jun 15 '20 at 07:40

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"Faster than a speeding bullet! More powerful than a locomotive! Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound!"

"Look! Up in the sky!" "It's a bird!" a woman cries. "It's a plane!" a man shouts. "It's SUPERMAN!"

The above may mean nothing at all to you, and most users, and it certainly says something about my age.

Younger users might (I hope) remember this from the early SNL (Andy Kaufman).

All that to say, it's not how you type it, it's not the punctuation you use, it's what you write that will impart impact to your dialogue.

I think the standard approach in writing to express an interruption is the em dash. If you don't think that's enough, you can go nuts.

I was walking down the street when— wait! Look at that!

I was walking down the street when— Holy SHIT! Will you LOOK at that!?!

edited Jun 15 '20 at 07:40

Community

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answered Nov 14 '14 at 06:29

anongoodnurse

55,278

I think bold text / italics is impractical with handwritten text. You make a convincing answer, but I'm looking for a technique to express interruptions, not emphasis. – Vatsal Manot Nov 14 '14 at 06:41
That was the point I was making, @VatsalManot. There already is a punctuation for that, and I believe it's the em dash. – anongoodnurse Nov 14 '14 at 06:42
I do acknowledge the existence of the em dash in my question. But when read, it does not offer the magnitude that I am going for. – Vatsal Manot Nov 14 '14 at 06:46
@VatsalManot - that might be because there isn't a lot of magnitude in that written line. But, if yoou stick to punctuation, you have an answer (others might come along as well). If you want more than that, it becomes writing advice. – anongoodnurse Nov 14 '14 at 06:48
I do want writing advice. – Vatsal Manot Nov 14 '14 at 06:52
@VatsalManot - I can't give you advice (it's off topic here) but maybe someone will come along with a better answer. – anongoodnurse Nov 14 '14 at 06:56
Okay. I'm a bit confused. Why does writing advice count as off-topic, when there's a tag for it? – Vatsal Manot Nov 14 '14 at 06:57
Let us continue this discussion in chat. – Vatsal Manot Nov 14 '14 at 06:59

Mazura · Answer 2 · 2014-11-14T08:12:01.533

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I was walking down the street when suddenly it hit me, "Wait!" I said, "Look at that!"

"There are seven dwarfs and one... wait, where's Sleepy?"

"Take one more step and I'll— Halt!" (gunshot)

I think the important part is where and what word you cut off. You can't stop at when and have the effect you're looking for.

"If you're going to build a time machine why not do it with some style. Besides, the stainless steel construction made the time flux dispersal— [wrist watch beeps]... LOOK OUT!" -Doctor Emmett Brown

A short narrative containing interjections:

I was walking down the street when -out of nowhere- this dude comes flying down the pavement -obviously drunk, mind you- and slams into the building at the corner.

edited Nov 14 '14 at 08:12

answered Nov 14 '14 at 07:29

Mazura

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I'm looking for solutions that do not involve direct speech. – Vatsal Manot Nov 14 '14 at 07:30
@VatsalManot Is the narrator getting interrupted in the real world? Is this a story in a story... I don't get it. – Mazura Nov 14 '14 at 07:48
Narrators don't interrupt themselves, they interject. – Mazura Nov 14 '14 at 07:51

Expressing sudden interruption in written, narrative speech

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