How to ask the gender of someone if you have to?

Question

In a global company, I often need to address someone in another country without knowing his/her gender in emails with a third person or with a group of people. It's awkward and inefficient to spell his/her name every time in reference of this person, especially if it's a long name. The only solution seems to find out the person's gender after all.

If I have to do so, using emails only,

Should I ask someone who knows him/her or should I ask the person directly? Personally I feel awful to approach the person with this kind of questions.
How should the question be worded to be appropriate? Examples?

Please indicate the culture background of the answer if you don't mind.

Related: Addressing someone with a known name and unknown gender. — RegDwigнt, Apr 10 '11 at 17:58
Doesn't always work but, googling the first name will often tell you. Failing that take the domain from the email address and see if their website has employee profiles. — Robb, Apr 10 '11 at 18:25
Reading the title of the question before seeing the full text of the question, I imagined this was referring to a face to face social situation. This makes the question somewhat different, but perhaps even more interesting. — MickeyfAgain_BeforeExitOfSO, Apr 10 '11 at 23:48
I did read the related post indicated by RedDwight, but it's a different one and doesn't solve my problem. — genesco, Apr 11 '11 at 00:10
@Robb, in our company online directory, employee photos are optional and some people never bother to share their pictures. — genesco, Apr 11 '11 at 00:27
The general way to ask the question is "What pronouns do you prefer?", but this may not be intuitively understood outside the trans and genderqueer communities. — TRiG, Sep 25 '12 at 18:08

score 8 · Answer 1 · answered Apr 10 '11 at 20:54

8

I wouldn't beat around the bush. You can ask directly. Maybe a polite way to put the question: "I'm sorry, but I'm unfamiliar with the name Xiao Yi. Is it mister or miss?"

answered Apr 10 '11 at 20:54

Matt Montag

1,227

score 3 · Answer 2 · answered Apr 10 '11 at 18:49

3

The best way to be delicate in such a situation is to express your intention and admit ignorance. "I would like to use a proper form of address, but I don't know if your name indicates a male or female person."

answered Apr 10 '11 at 18:49

mfe

2,138

score 2 · Answer 3 · answered Apr 10 '11 at 21:40

2

"Pardon my ignorance, but what form of address should I use with that name, Mr. of Ms.?"

answered Apr 10 '11 at 21:40

Emre

558

How to ask the gender of someone if you have to?

3 Answers3