Can we call a divorced woman single?

Question

If a woman who got married and had a child gets divorced, can we call her single?

I searched for the term "single parent" and it seems to reflect the responsibilities of a person rather than their marital status.

What is wrong with "divorced"? This really is the most accurate, language-wise. — user3169, May 31 '16 at 02:54
@user3169 Divorced is not as neutral as single. There are some negative connotations to divorced that single doesn't have. It really depends on what your purpose for mentioning it is - if you want to make a distinction between and never-married person and a divorced person, you couldn't use single. — ColleenV, May 31 '16 at 02:55
Your question should define who "we" refers to. Different people (or the law) may use different terms. — user3169, May 31 '16 at 02:57
@user3169 you are right, it depends on the country and culture. How about we talk about US as it's culture is more known to others. — Arman Fatahi, May 31 '16 at 04:14
OK you should update your question. It is also important to state who or in what kind of situation such words are used. For example, it probably would not be the same if said by a lawyer or the housewife next door. — user3169, May 31 '16 at 04:17
What if the reason for the divorce was that she had already started a new relationship? — Thomas, May 31 '16 at 09:21
@ColleenV: Note that "single" is definitely not culturally neutral - it's perhaps even more loaded than "divorced" - when it comes to the phrase "single parent" mentioned in the question :-) — psmears, May 31 '16 at 12:24
"Single" with regards to relationship status (like on a dating web site) might be used differently from "single" with regards to parenting, as in "single parent". As you put in your question, someone could self-identify as a "single parent" even if they were still legally married if they were separated or their spouse had left and was not participating in parenting at all. The phrase "solo parent" might be used instead for that reason. On a dating site, or among friends, saying one is "single" while still technically married would usually be considered immoral deception. — Todd Wilcox, May 31 '16 at 12:47
Are you asking about the relationship/marital status single or the parenting category single parent? These are two different things. Take a divorced person who never had a child; they can be called 'single'; the same for if they did have a child. Their marital status is not connected to their parenting status. — Alan Carmack, May 31 '16 at 14:46
This probably depends on the context. For example, take the phrase "single and looking." Although you could replace single with divorced, it wouldn't have the same effect... — Brandin, May 31 '16 at 19:03
@ColleenV, depending on your age, "single" has negative connotations that "divorced" doesn't have. — gnasher729, May 31 '16 at 20:07
@gnasher729 I think no major religions consider being single a sin, while several do consider divorce a problem of varying degrees. I focused more on the title than on "single parent" in the body of the question when I wrote that comment, but I still think that divorce is less neutral than single, particularly if there are children involved. Plenty of studies have been done on the challenges that children of divorced parents face, so even though it's more socially acceptable than it was (in the US), there's still a negative connotation to it. — ColleenV, May 31 '16 at 20:37

Paul Pehrson · Accepted Answer · 2016-05-31T02:54:11.117

41

Yes, from language perspective, a person is generally considered "single" in any of the following situations:

never married
widowed
divorced

In some cases the term 'single parent' also applies if the parents are separated, but still married.

If, however you are asking about how legal status affects the terminology, we'd need to know more about the legal jurisdiction involved.

edited May 31 '16 at 02:54

answered May 31 '16 at 02:42

Paul Pehrson

990
7
13

26

Well, it isn't a legal question. It is a word usage question. Laws don't govern English word usage, so there aren't any specific laws that apply to the question of word usage. – Paul Pehrson May 31 '16 at 02:51
This is totally wrong. A divorced person dating is not single, a widowed person dating is not single, and an unmarried person dating is not single. – GManNickG May 31 '16 at 20:06
1

@GManNickG - if they aren't single, who is the other person making them a couple? If it's "totally wrong", do you have some sources backing it up? (Although personally, I agree in that I would call a widow a "widow" over "single", since your spouse passed away and, assumedly, your heart is still with them, if that makes sense) – BruceWayne May 31 '16 at 20:10
2

@GManNickG Consider the wedding tradition of the bouquet toss. The organizer typically (in my experience, at least) calls for "all single ladies" to participate. This is meant only to exclude married ladies from participating, as the "point" of the game is to divine who will be the next to marry. In fact, all women who have a date with them, however romantically involved they may be, are particularly encouraged to participate. So, "single" does not necessarily mean "not in a relationship of any kind". – talrnu May 31 '16 at 20:20
2

@talrnu That is not my experience with the tradition. Of the dozen-or-so weddings I’ve attended in the last couple of years (I’m at that age), my girlfriend-now-fiancee participated in none of the bouquet tosses, and was explicitly discouraged from doing so on a few occasions. Our relationship, which in each case dwarfed in duration those of the newlyweds, was considered to very much not be one that made her eligible for “single” status. – KRyan May 31 '16 at 20:26
2

@KRyan - that's interesting, I've been to a dozen or so weddings in the last few years and all non-married women are encouraged to participate in the bouquet toss - even women in a relationship or with a date. The idea is whoever catches the bouquet is the next to be married...so why wouldn't women in a relationship participate? – BruceWayne May 31 '16 at 20:31
@BruceWayne: I'm a native English speaker is my source. A divorced person can be dating, and therefore they are not single. This answer claims a divorced person should always be called single. I'm baffled at the confusion here. – GManNickG May 31 '16 at 20:32
@talrnu: Those would be "unmarried" people; if you've heard someone conflate "unmarried" with "single", it's not a typical use of the word. – GManNickG May 31 '16 at 20:33
1

@GManNickG I'll point to the use of the term "generally" in this answer, which leaves a fair margin for edge cases like the one you're pointing out. So yes, I'll concede that being divorced does not absolutely imply being single, but this answer is still correct, even if it doesn't explicitly address that point. Perhaps you could edit it to be more precise. – talrnu May 31 '16 at 20:36
@BruceWayne Sure, different cultural emphases, trends, backgrounds, and so on could easily make the difference. And other women in relationships of some kind were included, it was merely a nod to the longevity of our relationship that my fiancee was excluded. – KRyan May 31 '16 at 20:36
1

@KRyan True, I do make a broad generalization, and you may very well be an exception that breaks it. Though I've been in a similarly long-lived relationship and had the exact opposite experience at nearly as many weddings (everyone rooted for my girlfriend to catch it every time). Actually, it would have been considered rude by all if she'd been excluded, at least in the culture of our friends and their families. – talrnu May 31 '16 at 20:45
1

@GManNickG The use of the term single to not refer to a divorced or widowed or unmarried woman who is dating or in a relationship is rather new. The traditional term for single means not married, it does not mean not dating/in a relationship. – Alan Carmack Jun 01 '16 at 09:28

score 11 · Answer 2 · answered May 31 '16 at 09:30

11

"Single" only describes their current relationship status.

"Single parent" only describes who looks after the child. It's perfectly possible to be a "single parent" and still be married, if the other person is no longer around and you haven't (yet) divorced them. (Or incidentally if your religion means that you cannot divorce them.)

"Divorced" or "widowed" only describe the state of historical relationships, and are completely unrelated to your current relationship status.

answered May 31 '16 at 09:30

Graham

2,595
11
16

2

Well, if a woman was introduced to me as "widowed", I would be just so slightly shocked to see her husband :-) – gnasher729 May 31 '16 at 20:10
Agreed with gnasher, "divorced" and "widowed" absolutely apply to the current relationship status - they describe how a person became single. A remarried widow is her former husband's widow, yes, but she's no longer widowed.
Also, I've never heard the term "single parent" used to describe a married parent. Even if a child is exclusively cared for by one of their two married parents, the one caring for the child is not a single parent. The implication of "single parent" is that such a parent has the tough job of caring for their child without support of a spouse (even if only financial).
– talrnu May 31 '16 at 20:14
@talrnu Graham is referring to people who are separated, but not yet divorced (or perhaps never will be) - but are nonetheless not cohabiting nor sharing responsibility of childcare. – Joe May 31 '16 at 21:17
@gnasher729 In what way does the OP suggest you'd see her husband? The question is specifically in terms of the woman's relationship status. – Graham Jun 01 '16 at 09:34
@talrnu "Divorced" or "widowed" don't have to mean single - many people remarry. But they were divorced or widowed, and that is an incontrovertible fact about their past, and only about their past. As Joe says, single parents may be in the process of divorcing but not yet actually divorced. You may also like to look into Jewish or Islamic traditions which prevent women from divorcing husbands who leave them, leaving them as single parents who are still married. I'm afraid you're simply factually incorrect on all points there. – Graham Jun 01 '16 at 09:43
@talrnu Oh, one remaining incorrect statement there. If one parent is exclusively caring for the child on their own, that parent is a "single parent", regardless of financial support or otherwise. Quoting the start of the Wikipedia entry: "A single parent is an uncoupled individual who shoulders most or all of the day-to-day responsibilities for raising a child or children." – Graham Jun 01 '16 at 09:47
1

I think whether divorced or widowed is your current or historical status really depends on the context. It can be either. If someone is filling out a form, typically you don't have the option of checking both divorced and married. If divorced ONLY meant "divorced at least once in the past" in ever context, there would be different options. – ColleenV Jun 01 '16 at 13:26
@ColleenV If those are the only options on the form, sure. But forms tend not to say that any more. Historically, bias against women (usually conducted by women themselves) assumed that after marriage they would not remarry, so "divorced" or "widowed" was an end to relationships for the rest of your life. Thankfully we're past that now (unless your religion chains you down of course) so there's a general recognition that this isn't a useful thing to ask. – Graham Jun 02 '16 at 08:42
While all that is a nice commentary on evolving social attitudes, it still doesn't change that divorce/widowed isn't used just as a historical relationship state - it's not even rare that it's used to describe a current relationship state. Just search for divorced/widowed mom/dad and most of those links will be referring to the current relationship state. They are technically single, but most widowed and divorced folks have challenges that single people don't face, so we make the distinction in certain contexts. – ColleenV Jun 02 '16 at 10:51
@ColleenV True, but most of those links will be referring to issues specifically related to the transition from married to single. That's an event and a process - it's not a state. All other challenges faced by widowed/divorced folks are also faced by other single people with children/mortgages/other commitments. "Divorced" could be a qualifier on why they're single, sure, but it's not really a state in itself. – Graham Jun 02 '16 at 14:26

score 8 · Answer 3 · answered May 31 '16 at 07:53

Quote from Single Parent Statistics:

The assumption that "most" single mothers are were single from the outset is false. Of the mothers who are custodial parents:

* 44.2% are currently divorced or separated
* 36.8% have never been married
* 18% are married (In most cases, these numbers represent women who have remarried.)
* 1.1% were widowed
Of the fathers who are custodial parents:
* 53.5% are divorced or separated
* 24.7% have never married

Definitely, single ≠ never married.

score 2 · Answer 4 · answered May 31 '16 at 13:14

As others have noted, it depends on context, but generally "single" is understood to include divorced and widowed.

When we talk about "single parents", I think this almost always includes divorced and widowed. The point of the phrase "single parent" is to say that this person is raising the child or children by him/herself. There are all sorts of difficulties in doing this, starting with how you hold down a job while also taking care of children. How you got to this situation is ... maybe "irrelevant" isn't the right word, if we're talking about the wisdom or morality of your choices, but certainly how you got there doesn't change the difficulties you face.

If you're filling out a form, I presume you pick from the options offered. Like, I'm divorced. When I fill out a form and the choices are "married" or "single", I choose "single". If it offers "divorced" as a separate option, than of course I check that.

score 0 · Answer 5 · answered May 31 '16 at 12:21

It's possible to be single and married at the same time, in that "single" is usually a social description of a person who might go on dates and might like to find a new partner, and "married" can be a legal term applied to a person who is separated but not yet divorced. So it must be possible for a divorced woman not to want to be known in social terms as single, possibly if she has already found a new partner and is prevented from marrying him only because of her own religion forbidding re-marriage. Another possibility would be a couple who divorced in law in order to reduce their tax bills, but who still live together and have no intention of separating. In these cases and others, "not married" does not imply "single" in the everyday conversational sense.

As ever, context is really important!

This is misleading. If someone describes themselves as "single" and later I discover they are in fact married, I'd simply say they lied. — Dmitry Grigoryev, Jun 01 '16 at 11:07

score -2 · Answer 6 · answered Oct 22 '18 at 15:39

-2

Divorced isn't (or shouldn't be) a state of being. Divorced is a verb. "I GOT divorced, thus, I AM single". When forms ask me if I a single, widowed or divorced, the accurate answer is 'single'. The fact that I was once married is none of anyone's business.

answered Oct 22 '18 at 15:39

user83983

1

Do you have some references to support this? As a native speaker, I don't agree. – user91988 Oct 22 '18 at 17:39

score -2 · Answer 7 · edited Jun 01 '16 at 09:37

1 Marital status (relative to wife/husband)

unmarried
married
divorced
widowed

Separated is not a marital status, it means legally still married though not living with husband/wife.

People other than married may be considered as having single marital status.

2 Parental status (relative to descendants)

A mono parental family has just one parent. So people other than married have single parental status.

Can we call a divorced woman single?

7 Answers7