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In a long paper, I'd like to avoid using gendered pronouns referring to a person, an individual, a child, a parent. "His" and "her" seem hard to get rid of by rephrasing as they are normally used instead of "the" when approriate. How bad would it be, if I just replaced them with "the"? If possible, i'd prefer "the" to "their".

yewgeniy
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If you must then use "its" (best with very young children), or (singular) "their". In this context "the" is not the correct word.

Using "the" is wrong. It suggests a specific and determined mother but, from context, not the child's mother (since if you mean the child's mother, you'd use a possessive like "his") so the effect is highly marked and would only work in some situation in which "mother" was being used metaphorically (such as in a sci-fi book in which the central computer is called "mother").

Your precise situation is somewhat odd, since "the child" implies that we understand which child you are talking about. And if we know which child, then we can use that child's pronouns.

If you are talking generically, then use the plural, and "their": "Children learn from their mother."

I'd also caution you, as a learner, from creating difficulties. English grammar, vocabulary and usage are hard enough, without imposing further constraints like "avoiding gendered pronouns".

ColleenV
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James K
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  • Thank you. When referring to children I will gladly use "their". What about a child? "Its" would be the least acceptable option to me. I only want to avoid using gendered pronouns referring to a person, an individual, a child, a parent of unspecified gender. I have no trouble with pronouns for a mother, a father, a boy, a girl. – yewgeniy Feb 13 '24 at 22:20
  • If "the" is not the correct word, how wrong is it? Is it inacceptably wrong? Is it just bad style? – yewgeniy Feb 13 '24 at 22:25
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    It is the wrong word. It is like using "apple" when you mean "dog". The word "the" doesn't mean "his" or "her". – James K Feb 13 '24 at 22:38
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    If you have a specific child, it doesn't have unspecified gender. If you are speaking generally, (meaning "any child") use the plural. If you have a specific child and for some reason you don't know the gender, use "their" or "its". If you don't have an ear for what is acceptable and what is not, then please trust the native speakers who do. Don't try to invent something new. – James K Feb 13 '24 at 22:40
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    I don't need it to mean "his" or "her". "The mother" is the mother of the child mentioned earlier, not a mother. What woud you think, if looking at the baby in your arms someone would just ask "Who's the mother?" – yewgeniy Feb 13 '24 at 22:44
  • Baby= very young. So "Who's its mother" (if the gender is unknown) But actually you'd be more likely to ask about the gender of the child before asking about its parentage. – James K Feb 13 '24 at 22:47
  • No, I wouldn't. – yewgeniy Feb 13 '24 at 23:20
  • Well, you have my answer. You can take it or leave it. Good luck. – James K Feb 14 '24 at 07:27