How old are you—if you don’t mind me/my asking?

Question

How old are you—if you don’t mind me asking?

How old are you—if you don’t mind my asking?

In TOEFL tests, 'my asking' was correct because 'my' is in a possessive case having 'asking' as an object, which is an orthodox grammar. But they say native English speakers also use 'me' a lot.

Which one is more used in spopken English among native speakers?

In a strict writing test, do I have to use 'my'?

Use 'my' in a test. It is more formal although many speakers would use 'me' in relaxed everyday conversation. — Michael Harvey, Dec 02 '23 at 17:34
Does this answer your question? When to use an object pronoun or a possessive adjective before a gerund There are *many, many* more questions on this specific point - have a look at the "Linked" questions on the one I'm citing in this closevote. Headline answer: The basic "rule" is that formal written English prefers the possessive in all circumstances, while informal, conversational speech prefers the objective. — FumbleFingers, Dec 02 '23 at 17:37
I wouldn't have any respect for a test that marked non-native Anglophones down for using the objective. But if you need to pass an exam, maybe you have to abide by such pedantry. — FumbleFingers, Dec 02 '23 at 17:42

score 1 · Accepted Answer · answered Dec 02 '23 at 17:47

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Well... I'm actually surprised by the correct form for TOFEL. But I'm so sure that "If you don't mind me asking" is more common and I almost never heard "If you don't mind my asking" although it's not wrong.

answered Dec 02 '23 at 17:47

Hossein TM

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It's not only 'not wrong', it is the correct version in formal English, as commenters have pointed out. – Kate Bunting Dec 03 '23 at 08:51
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@KateBunting - In my youth, 'if you don't mind my asking' was a fixed polite phrase which one acquired by rote, and 'me asking' would have sounded odd, or would have been a sign of uncouthness. – Michael Harvey Dec 03 '23 at 13:25

How old are you—if you don’t mind me/my asking?

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