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Currently I am reading a book entitled "Conversational American English expressions". I found this book very interesting because the author elaborates the level of decency of each phrase depending on the type of the social encounter.

However, it triggers a thought within me that I, as a non-native English speaker, should notice how others are addressing me and the way they are talking to me. For instance, in the book it was mentioned that Wassup? is a slang greeting. Thus, if a stranger is greeting me by using this phrase should I feel disrespected? Another example for slang way to ask someone how things are going is how's it shakin'?

Consequently, if the answer is yes, these are inappropriate phrases to use in a respectful conversation with s How should you respond? Watch your mouth? You crossed the line? You shouldn't talk to me in that way?

Mark Morgan Lloyd
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Ahmed Abdellatif
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    The answer really depends on which slang expressions they're using with you. I wouldn't think wassup or how's it shakin' as being disrespectful. – Peter Shor Aug 18 '23 at 21:02
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    The appropriateness of an English expression greatly depends on the relationship between the people speaking. If they regard each other with formal respect then the language used should be relatively formal, but if they both are comfortable speaking to each other with informal language then there's generally no harms in doing so. Just be aware of the appropriateness of your speech and don't use informal language when it may not be understood to be casual. – Hot Licks Aug 18 '23 at 21:14
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    If you're not sure, your best bet is to avoid being too informal. But if someone else is informal towards you when you think they should be more respectful, give them the benefit of the doubt that they don't realize the error. – Barmar Aug 18 '23 at 21:16
  • There are a few situations where you have to be careful with your language. In the military, being too familiar with a superior will often get you in trouble. In a courtroom, the judge expects the be addressed as "Your Honor". – Barmar Aug 18 '23 at 21:20
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    Even slang that is mildly vulgar (shakin' is not referring to hands shaking), can still be an effort at friendliness. Or just being on automatic, addressing everyone the same sloppy way. @Barmar ... give that benefit of the doubt. – Yosef Baskin Aug 18 '23 at 22:12
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    @YosefBaskin True, but there are times when friendliness is not expected. Don't say, "How's it hanging, Your Honor?" when you take the stand at court. – Barmar Aug 18 '23 at 22:15
  • Romance and Semitic languages have the formal you (aside from the plural) and the casual thou. So even when a stranger gets it wrong, is that a tourist, a kid, a mistake, presumptuous? An insult? Start with benefit of the doubt. – Yosef Baskin Aug 18 '23 at 22:17
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    Should you get offended? Only if you feel offended and it merits drawing on your supposed status and superiority. Otherwise you might come across like a tin god (a puffed-up nobody). – Weather Vane Aug 18 '23 at 22:27
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    Judging from your writing, your English seems pretty good - but, in general. it would seem tactless to address a non-native speaker with expressions like that simply because they might not understand. – Kate Bunting Aug 19 '23 at 08:42
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    Related: Are "dude" and "man" disrespectful words? – Kirt Aug 19 '23 at 14:57
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    What's up hasn't been slang for 20y, unless you put three extra S's in there. how's it shakin' is archaic (is it making a comeback?). You're from somewhere that has to conjugate its pronouns and there's high and low speech? Yeah, we don't have that. We have derogatory and pompous. Between that is everything else and informal (aka, common parlance; which you will get no good answer here for because I can't use swears) "I'm American, honey. Our names don't mean shit." – Pulp Fiction – Mazura Aug 19 '23 at 17:30
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    I continue to wonder about questions that are asked here that seem to be really about culture rather than language. Do other languages... not have slang? Do they lack a concept of formality? Do their speakers not have social expectations about speaking register? Do their listeners not make assumptions about people based on how they speak? Or do people who don't have English as their first language, assume that English is somehow different in this regard, just because it's English? – Karl Knechtel Aug 19 '23 at 19:21
  • @KateBunting As a native speaker, I think it has always been received as respectful to use friendly slang around non-native speakers because people learn through experience. Learning friendly forms of communication is almost always welcomed by people. Although, I guess it depends on the situation and their relationship to you. – mchid Aug 19 '23 at 19:48
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    However you feel, do not respond aggressively like that. That would be awful! You might have completely misjudged the situation. – TonyK Aug 19 '23 at 21:42
  • Agree with @Mazura on "how's it shakin" - you might be reading a book that's very out of date. – pacoverflow Aug 20 '23 at 06:36
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    @KarlKnechtel Yes, every language has slang. However, I believe that learning languages always go hand in hand with learning about the culture of the people who speak these languages. For instance, as far as I know, there is no equivalent in English to the German du (informal you) & sie (formal you). Thus, if I'm to address strangers in Berlin by the informal you=du they will get offended. Accordingly, using informal greetings would be inappropriate as well. – Ahmed Abdellatif Aug 21 '23 at 09:15
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    Using any of your responses is a very bad idea. If they meant no offense, there is no reason to be rude to them. And if they did mean offense, you are starting a fight. – Esther Aug 21 '23 at 14:24
  • @Karl Knechtel: Conventions of formality can be different in different languages. They're different in English and French, they were different in the 19th century than they are in the 21st century. And although I don't speak Japanese, I believe their conventions of formality are really very different. So it's a perfectly reasonable question. – Peter Shor Aug 31 '23 at 23:25
  • @PeterShor as far as I am aware, those are only differences in terms of what is considered "formal" - not in terms of what situations call for formality, or the social repercussions of using an inappropriate speech register. – Karl Knechtel Aug 31 '23 at 23:27

6 Answers6

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Postel's Law applies: "be conservative in what you do, be liberal in what you accept".

If addressing somebody you don't know, be careful in how you phrase things until you understand what they might and will not consider offensive. If being addressed by somebody you don't know, bear in mind that they might not know any better than to use slang.

Mark Morgan Lloyd
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If a native speaker addresses you with Wassup in a normal everyday situation, it means that they are saying hello in a manner that they consider friendly and collegiate. It is not very formal, but formality usually has little to do with either respect or friendliness.

Note that formality is not something we generally do with friends or people we love.

Araucaria - Not here any more.
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This is mainly a cultural question, and I'll answer it from the perspective of someone familiar with US culture, specifically mid-west and north-east:

While usually considered informal, slang directed at strangers is an acceptable mode of conversation and is not typically considered cause for offense.

What matters far more than the mode of speech is the content and tone of the speech delivered. For example, by using different tones of voice, "what's up with you" can convey concern, contempt, or simply insincere salutation.

Most English speakers in the US do not use mode of speech as a subtlety.

Of course, exceptions to the above abound.

webmarc
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    This is also true in Australia. Using slang or other informal speech is fine in almost every context with a few exceptions, such as in a courtroom. Similarly, in Australia tone is much more important than formality of language for english speakers. – Bug Catcher Nakata Aug 21 '23 at 00:47
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    Actually, in Australia I'd say it works both ways. People sound terribly friendly ("how are you?") and takes time to realize that for them it's just as formulaic as "hello" elsewhere. – hmijail Aug 21 '23 at 02:21
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However, it triggers a thought within me that I, as a non-native English speaker, should notice how others are addressing me [...] For instance, in the book it was mentioned that Wassup? is a slang greeting. Thus, if a stranger is greeting me by using this phrase should I feel disrespected?

Absolutely not. At least not in the U.S. Perhaps it's different elsewhere.

In the U.S., disrespect is nearly always conveyed with direct, unambiguous insults, not diction. If someone says "wassup" or "'sup" no disrespect is intended. That's just how they talk.

Nafine
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    This is very interesting to know. I think it is a cultural thing. Moreover, in my own culture if I am a man in my early 40s talking to a stranger like a waiter or a cashier and he/she (specially if much younger like early 20s) is using slang words with me, this will be an indication of indirect disrespect or belittling as he/she should use formal language when dealing with customers. However, this seems not the case in the US obviously. – Ahmed Abdellatif Aug 20 '23 at 08:36
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    @AhmedAbdellatif - Specifically with respect to casual interactions in a retail environment - store, gas station, taxi, restaurant - everyone acts as if everyone else is their pal. Except for the snootiest of restaurants or high-end retail establishments there is no sense at all that the employee needs to be formal when dealing with customers. Polite, yes. But formal: no way. Plus, difference in age is typically no barrier either. – davidbak Aug 20 '23 at 20:50
  • @davidbak Do you recommend an article or a book (other than the cultural map) that elaborates more on this cultural topic? Specifically day to day in real life interactions between people in north America and what is considered polite and what is not? – Ahmed Abdellatif Aug 21 '23 at 08:52
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    @AhmedAbdellatif - oh, well: that's like asking a fish to describe water. I grew up here ... it's just the way things are. I sort of cringe to think how I've inadvertently offended people when travelling in Europe just behaving like myself. (Good thing I've never been to Germany.) So I've never looked for that information. You'll have to ask a non-native. – davidbak Aug 21 '23 at 14:09
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I would be more likely to take overly formal speech as rude than overly informal, though it depends a great deal on context, and also on the relationship. If I were applying for a job or a bank loan my speech would be a great deal more formal than if I were talking to a stranger about the weather.

Context is very important, and is really hard to understand without shared cultural background. For example, in the US the computer industry is known for having a far more more informal business culture than the banking industry. In my experience people who intend to be rude are more likely to use formal speech patterns than informal!

In some situations people might not even be aware that they are using slang terms; for example, I was teaching a class on professional practices to a group of my new colleagues and addressed them as "y'all", and then had a brief digression to discuss regional speech patterns they might encounter.

In short, informal speech is more likely to be intended as friendly than as a sign of disrespect, but the converse is not true -- formal speech is often used as a sign of respect or deference to authority.

arp
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This problem in interaction is more a question of distance than of respect, until you can determine that the person that seems not to take into account the notion of distance does that deliberately in order to show some contempt. This may be the case on an initial encounter but it can be very difficult to decide whether this is so; consequently, it is probably better not to take offense too soon, and to do as advised in the comments above (user Barmar), that is, avoid to adopt a similar level of informality; that is a good idea since, in any case, you believe it does not correspond to the situation at hand; in other words, you cannot be reproached with preserving your integrity.

However, you should not take it for granted that your new acquaintance is necessarily fully at ease with a range of behaviours proper in various circumstances, or in other words that he/she is to the manner born when comes the time to use a proper level of formality. It takes some people sometimes a little longer to internalize behaviours that are to them rather unusual, and until they have become comfortable with those, which might, for certain individuals, be never, it is not a negligible imposition on their person to demand of them to adhere to those manners. If the interaction is to be prolonged over a long period, you might just have to be resigned in the thought that your acquaintance is not quite capable of identifying the proper level of formality and/or feels awkward when trying to adhere to manners that aren't quite his/hers, which means preserving your formality while accepting the informal counterpart; I must admit that such an interaction is bound to be found intolerable to many, but the only alternatives are training that person to adopt other norms of politeness or revert to arrangements in which this interaction has no more any reason to exist. Those alternatives, however, are merely theory: it is not much of a problem, in a court of law to whisper into the unknowing witness's ear that he/she should address the judge as "Your Honour", but life is not a court of law.

LPH
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    Was an AI assistant used to write this? – Peter Mortensen Aug 21 '23 at 18:02
  • @PeterMortensen No, if it had been the case I would have mentioned it as a reference, since an AI assistant has to be considered as an author; there seems to me to be no other way. – LPH Aug 21 '23 at 18:28