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I have read the meaning of "madam" on Google and it is said to be a respectful title for a woman, or a woman who runs a house of prostitution:

A woman who is running a brothel where prostitutes work for money is an example of a madam.

Please clarify.

Ryan M
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Richa Tyagi
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    Whether addressing someone as something is appropriate or not varies quite a bit by locale and context, not to mention the individual being addressed. Please [edit] your post to mention the countries and situations you are interested in. I found madam was quite unexceptional in East Africa, quite insulting in Canada. – choster Dec 29 '20 at 16:56
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    A similar concept of the same word having two meanings, which you may already have heard of, is the word "dick". "Dick" is a name (it's short for "Richard"). "A dick" is an insult or a slang term for part of the male genitalia. – Aaron F Dec 29 '20 at 18:25
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    This is why the article is important as it distinguishes "madam" (title) from "a madam" (noun) – pjc50 Dec 30 '20 at 12:25
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    Richa, it's completely normal in English that words have more than one totally different meaning. BTW just one point, regionally in the US: M'am (and indeed Sir) is the very common form of address in the extremely polite parts of the country (the South-East) but you would rarely hear it in say California. – Fattie Dec 30 '20 at 15:47
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  • It might also be worth pointing out that, in at least some dialects of English, "madam, the boss of prostitutes" is pronounced differently than "madam, the formal/polite form of address". Muh-dam vs Mad-uhm, respectively. – nick012000 Dec 30 '20 at 17:07
  • There's a (racist) stereotype that "Madam" is used by foreign service workers addressing English-speaking tourists, perhaps because it might be overused by foreigners which is seen as "comical". As for causing offense, it can be slightly off-putting if you refer to a very young woman as Madam, as it might imply she is old. However the alternative ("Miss") is even harder to use correctly and more likely to cause offense if misused so I wouldn't recommend that as an English-learner either. Madam should never be taken to imply the woman is "a Madam", so I think you're safe on that front. – quant Dec 31 '20 at 04:04
  • Would the woman need to be of a certain age? – Thorbjørn Ravn Andersen Dec 31 '20 at 10:54
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    @AaronF Dick isn't just short for Richard. There are actually people named Dick. Dick used to be a term for a detective as well. A 'private dick' was what we'd call a PI now. – Mast Dec 31 '20 at 11:13
  • Was this prompted by the latest season of Letterkenny? – Tashus Jan 01 '21 at 01:13
  • In England it is also the correct form of address for a female judge below the rank of Circuit Judge or sitting in a tribunal (I suspect this will never be relevant to you). – Francis Davey Jan 01 '21 at 13:04
  • https://ell.stackexchange.com/questions/270380/is-calling-a-woman-madam-offensive –  Jan 01 '21 at 14:43

10 Answers10

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In British English at least, it is inoffensive to use "Madam" as a form of address (equivalent to "Sir" but for women), as in "May I be of any assistance, Madam?".

Americans would usually use "Ma'am" instead.

But "madam" as a common noun — "a madam" — is to be avoided.

rjpond
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    To add onto this good answer: Americans would not find "madam" offensive, just unusual (since "ma'am" is far more common). – Ryan M Dec 29 '20 at 10:32
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    Likewise, calling a man "a john" or "a dick" is offensive for similar reasons, but calling him "John" or "Dick" is not (although it's incorrect unless that's his actual name). – Darrel Hoffman Dec 29 '20 at 18:24
  • "Ladies and gentlemen" rather than "Sirs and madams" :-) And in British English "Dame" is respectable as in "Dame Alice" as equivalent to "Sir John". – Mark Morgan Lloyd Dec 29 '20 at 18:48
  • @DarrelHoffman Why is "a john" offensive? Does it mean something? – Clockwork Dec 30 '20 at 09:58
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    @clockwork see meaning 2 at https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/john – Robin Whittleton Dec 30 '20 at 10:37
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    @Clockwork - a 'john' is often a prostitute's client. – Michael Harvey Dec 30 '20 at 12:44
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    @Clockwork It's also a euphemism for a commode, though usually that's referred to as "the john". But yeah, I was referring to the "prostitute's client" definition. – Darrel Hoffman Dec 30 '20 at 13:44
  • @DarrelHoffman And is "commode" an euphemism for toilet, from the pieces of furniture they were put in? – I'm with Monica Dec 30 '20 at 14:10
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    @I'mwithMonica In some parts of the world, "toilet" is just the room where the commode lives. Or in some cases, not even that - a European "toilet" often just contains a sink and mirror. I used "commode" because it unambiguously means just the aforementioned furniture. – Darrel Hoffman Dec 30 '20 at 15:53
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    @DanielHoffman "commode" is far from unambiguous. In context it was clear what you meant, but according to Lexico, the use of "commode" to mean "toilet" is restricted to North American English, while alternative meanings include (a) a piece of furniture with a concealed chamberpot and (b) a chest of drawers (with no toilet or chamberpot of any kind). – rjpond Dec 30 '20 at 16:14
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    @rjpond Strange, I thought "commode" was the bedside drawer. – Clockwork Dec 30 '20 at 19:28
  • Madam could be offensive if you say it to a young woman. I can imagine her saying, "oh I got madamed today " – Omar and Lorraine Dec 30 '20 at 23:14
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    Note that "ma'am" is generally used with older women, and some women may be offended at being called ma'am if they don't think they've reached the age that deserves being called "ma'am". – pacoverflow Dec 31 '20 at 11:37
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"Madam" or "Ma'am" are polite words to use when you don't know a woman's name, but need a way to refer to her like a name. They are terms of address. It is fairly formal and not very common, as in situations when you talk to someone who you don't know, you don't often need to address them. The typical example is a shop worker speaking to a customer.

Would madam like cream in her tea? (This uses third person in a very humble way, it is not normal to speak like this)

It is also used (usually as ma'am) in schools, by schoolchildren to address teachers. (Not all schools use it. It is part of the culture of the school). It is also sometimes used in situations of strict hierarchy. A police constable might refer to her Inspector as "Ma'am" because the constable is a junior officer. The same is true in the armed services. In these contexts, it is nearly always reduced to "ma'am".

Now, one particular context in which you might need to address a woman, but not know her name is a brothel. The woman who organises the prostitutes doesn't give her name (after all, brothels are illegal) and so she is addressed as "madam" and as a common noun, "a madam" can mean a woman who runs a brothel. This doesn't make it offensive. You can say "Thank you, madam" without implying that she is like a brothel keeper.

It is also used ironically. A small girl who acts like she is superior to others is ironically called a "little madam". This also doesn't reference prostitution but is irony.

Advice: Try to avoid "sir" and "madam" as much as possible. This is difficult culturally because in some cultures it is over-familiar to use someone's name. This is not the case in English. If you know someone's name you should normally use it. Even in contexts in which you would not use a name in your language.

Ms Jackson, please come in. Your car is ready for you.

Hello Kathy. Is it okay for me to tidy your office now?

If there is no official hierarchy, and you don't know a person's name you don't need to use Madam or ma'am. You don't need the words in brackets.

Here is my passport [ma'am].

Excuse me [madam], I think I'm lost. Can you tell me how to go to the station?

If you are part the army or police, or meeting the Queen, then you will know when you need to use ma'am.

James K
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  • "It is also used (usually as ma'am) in schools, by schoolchildren to address teachers" - has this changed in the last few decades? When I went to school in the UK we called the teachers "miss" (or "sir"). "Ma'am", at the time, was something you only ever used to address the Queen, and otherwise only heard used in American films and books. Having left the UK I'm not up to date on more recent (ie. 21st century) developments :-) – Aaron F Dec 29 '20 at 18:30
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    Re "You don't need the words in brackets" - That is true, but at least in AmE, adding a "sir" or "ma'am" is usually seen as a gesture of respect. It's optional (unlike please/thank you), but it can go a long way to smoothing out the interaction and preventing misunderstandings. When talking to strangers or authority figures, I would encourage throwing in a "sir" or "ma'am" once at the start, just to be polite. UK usage is probably different, though. – Kevin Dec 29 '20 at 19:17
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    Americans do tend to use more hierarchical language, paradoxically since culturally they are more egalitarian – James K Dec 29 '20 at 19:58
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    @AaronF Yes. It has changed. Many female teachers got very offended by being called Miss. That was a hangover from the time when female teachers would be required to resign when they married. So all female teachers would be "Miss. XYZ" When teachers were allowed to remain in post even after they married some still called them "Miss". I think this kind of "Sir" "Miss" "Ma'am" language is awful, and I'm happy that at my school it is strongly discouraged. I won't allow my students to call me "Sir". I expect them to know my name. – James K Dec 29 '20 at 20:02
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    @Kevin Adding in a "sir" or "ma'am" can also come across as a way of calling attention to a difference in class or status which would otherwise be ignored (or might not even exist), thus it can be perceived as impolite or excessively formal. It really depends on the listener and the context of the conversation. – David Z Dec 29 '20 at 20:18
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    @DavidZ: If you know the person's name, then you should obviously use it in lieu of "sir" or "ma'am," but I was talking about cases where you don't. In such cases, AmE likes to be slightly formal as a gesture of respect, although it might also be used as a hierarchical marker (e.g. when addressing a police officer). Simply addressing a perfect stranger as "sir" or "ma'am" is entirely acceptable in AmE, and carries no hierarchical connotations except for those implied by the surrounding context (but it would be odd to use it more than once in the same interaction). – Kevin Dec 29 '20 at 20:23
  • @Kevin What you're saying does not line up with my experience, at least not consistently. – David Z Dec 29 '20 at 20:27
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    @DavidZ: shrug I've lived in the United States for all my life, and this is how I have consistently used the English language, and seen others use it. – Kevin Dec 29 '20 at 20:31
  • @Kevin Well, I'm not trying to invalidate your experience; I'm not saying that all AmE speakers interpret "sir" and "ma'am" the way I'm talking about. I only intend to counter your claim that none of them do. – David Z Dec 29 '20 at 20:54
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    I think this is very regional in the US. I'm from California (grew up in Los Angeles, live in the SF bay area.) Calling people "ma'am" or "sir" here would typically get you funny looks, unless you're at work and they are a customer you're serving. (There is one situation where I use "sir" or "ma'am" -- if I am shouting to urgently get a stranger's attention. E.g. "Sir! Sir! You dropped your phone!") – Glenn Willen Dec 29 '20 at 22:19
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    So perhaps I may return to my answer. I think my advice is generally good. "Avoid using Sir or Madam when possible" There are clearly complex differences between dialects and if the social context is hard for native speakers to judge, it is even harder for one who is from another culture. Use of names is will not cause offence in nearly all situations that an English learner will find themselves. While "madam" is not offensive, it may be not be typical in some contexts and in some situations. English learners from some cultures tend to overuse "madam". Advanced learners should note this. – James K Dec 29 '20 at 22:28
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    @Kevin This is probably another one of those differences between Britain and the US, but I would never address a police officer as "sir"; I would, however, expect him (as a public servant) to address me as "sir". – rjpond Dec 29 '20 at 23:39
  • @rjpond How would you address a police officer? – jlliagre Dec 30 '20 at 01:09
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    I would probably go for "officer". – rjpond Dec 30 '20 at 01:11
  • @rjpond That makes sense. Interestingly, en French we would never address one with just agent (de police). We might say monsieur or monsieur l'agent but for a female officer, that would only be madame. – jlliagre Dec 30 '20 at 01:19
  • @JamesK - a UK constable would call a sergeant 'sergeant', or informally 'sarge' or 'skipper' or 'skip' (mainly plain-clothes). 'Sir' or 'Ma'am' are for 'officer' ranks (Inspector and above). – Michael Harvey Dec 30 '20 at 12:46
  • @JamesK - the only people who ever call me 'Sir' are American tourists asking for directions. – Michael Harvey Dec 30 '20 at 12:48
  • Yes, like I said, if you are in that position you would know the expectations. I'm not, (my knowlege is based mostly on Juliet Bravo... but I'll edit. – James K Dec 30 '20 at 12:57
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    As @GlennWillen explains, it is extremely regional. If you're in the South, and you for example work at any fast food or any shop, and you don't use M'am and Sir when talking, it would literally be as rude as, say, randomly spitting on people. It would be that bad. It is completely regional. No big mystery, the US is "as big as Europe" and as diverse. The differences between Miami, Atlanta and Seattle are bigger than the differences between Barcelona, Paris and London. – Fattie Dec 30 '20 at 15:51
  • @JamesK - Mine comes from The Bill, and from reading a few Met police officers' autobiographies – Michael Harvey Dec 30 '20 at 18:49
  • @jlliagre - I was once on a train from Cuneo (Italy) to Nice. After Tende a French ticket inspector got on. Something was wrong with a man's ticket. He said that monsieur le contrôleur italien had said it was OK. His politeness got him nowhere. He had to pay at the tarif contrôle. Much interest, and eye-rolling, from the other passengers. – Michael Harvey Dec 30 '20 at 19:01
  • @MichaelHarvey Yes, knowing how to be polite enough but not too polite can be tricky. Monsieur le contrôleur italien was excessive and might have been interpreted as ridiculing him or the ticket inspectors in general... In any case, in France the rule to avoid or at least reduce the penalty fare when you are unsure about your ticket is to spontaneously go and meet the inspector first and explain the situation. – jlliagre Dec 30 '20 at 19:24
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    Having grown up in the South, it is very difficult for me to say "yes" or "no" without attaching a "sir" or "ma'am" to it -- it is that automatic. And that's true whether I'm talking to someone who is senior to me or to my friend's 8-year-old son. It's not as deferential or hierarchical as it seems to be in other regions -- it's just sort of normal speech that is expected. – PGnome Dec 30 '20 at 20:17
  • Madam in schools? Not any I've worked in. It was always 'Miss'. – Tim Jan 01 '21 at 12:08
  • @rjpond - rarely 'sir' these days. Often seems to be 'mate'. "You're nicked, mate". "What's your name mate?". --"If I'm your mate, surely you'll know it,- officer!" (U.K.) – Tim Jan 01 '21 at 12:10
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In general, no, it's not insulting, but it's slightly stiff or formal — more so in American English than in British English. But the specific quote in your question is using one of the senses of the word that most people would find insulting in most cases, yes.

Like many words, madam has multiple meanings/senses.

The respectful one you're thinking of is:

LADY —used without a name as a form of respectful or polite address to a woman

Right this way, madam.

Merriam-Webster, sense 1(a)

This is like the generic¹ sir for men, e.g. "May I help you, [madam/sir]?" Madam is more common in British English than American English, where you'd typically see/hear ma'am (Merriam-Webster) instead (the d that used to be there is neither written nor pronounced in American English).

That's not the sense being used in the quote in your question, though. A madam in the context of a brothel (a house of prostitution) is the woman who runs the brothel:

the female head of a house of prostitution

Merriam-Webster, sense 3

So when could it be insulting?

  • If used to call a woman a madam such that she could reasonably believe you were saying she runs a house of prostitution or comparing her to someone who does.

  • If used in a belittling way to indicate someone is acting as though they were superior to others. I recall hearing a British woman say to her young daughter, "You're behaving like a right little madam!" to mean that her daughter was acting stuck up (Merriam-Webster).

But if you just said "May I help you, madam?" or "After you, madam" or similar, that wouldn't be insulting.


¹ The generic form, not the formal title (Collins, sense 2) in some systems of honorifics, such as the British system with Sir Kenneth Branagh etc. The equivalent of that honorific for a woman is Dame (Collins, sense 1), as in Dame Judi Dench. (Dame can mean other things too. English is great fun...)

T.J. Crowder
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    In North America, anyway, madam can also cause mild offense because it may connote an older (especially, supercilious) woman: Excuse me, madam, you dropped this. / I'm no madam, I'm not even 35! – choster Dec 31 '20 at 17:16
  • @choster - Indeed. :-) – T.J. Crowder Dec 31 '20 at 17:17
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Nowadays, in some milieux, it is considered offensive to call anyone anything that presumes their gender. You must not presume that anyone is male or female.

In these days of ultra-political-correctness, we are supposed to ask each individual how they wish to be addressed.

I have no idea what the "correct" form of address is for a stranger these days.

In Britain we don't usually bother with honorifics of this sort anyway. We just assume that the person we are looking at, will realise we are addressing them specifically. If they are facing away from us or at a distance, we simply shout "Excuse me!" in their general direction and hope they turn round.

nick012000
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Madam is indeed used as a title of address, more rarely than it once was, at least in US usage. But there is a nuance not mentioned in any answer to date, which helps explain why some women have found it offensive.

Madam has always been used as a title of address for fully adult, even mature women (at least that is the normal usage). Thus when young women, used to being called "Miss" or in many cases given no title at all started to be addressed as "Madam", some considered it as a sign that they were no longer young, and resented it. The use of "madam" is probably no longer common enough for this reaction, but it was once a thing.

Also, like "Sir", the term "Madam" can be used in a stiff politeness actually intended to be insulting. Again this usage is of longer common. Some examples:

  • Sir, I find your actions unacceptable.

  • Madam, I had thought better of you.

David Siegel
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  • To your second point (but not the same usage), when someone calls me sir, I infer that they have no need or wish to remember me as a distinct individual past our current interaction. It's polite from a bank teller, but impolite from a coworker. – jpaugh Jan 01 '21 at 10:10
  • @jpaugh I take your point, but not everyone sees it like that. – David Siegel Jan 01 '21 at 17:12
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Madame has both meanings -- a respectful title for a woman, and a woman who runs a nice brothel where the employees are treated well. We can tell from context which is meant. It helps that pimp is a more common and more insulting word for the second meaning.

Using madam where you would say a job is the brothel owner meaning: "a madam", or "is a madam". From a quick search of headlines "a former call girl, as well as a madam and author", and "Notorious Hollywood Madam Heidi Fleiss".

But using madam as a title or pronoun is fine. "I met madam Smith" is safe, or "madam, that is a lovely brooch" or simply "madam" instead of saying hello (like "your highness"). This use is much more common. If someone overheard just the word "madam" they'd never think about the other meaning.

Owen Reynolds
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    Not "Madam Smith", perhaps "Madame Forgeron" if they are a French teacher but otherwise "Ms" or "Mrs" – James K Dec 29 '20 at 23:23
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    As a respectful form of address it is always spelt "Madam" without an e; the form "Madame" is used only if the person is French (or, historically, if they belong to almost any non-English-speaking nationality - cf "Madame Mao"). – rjpond Dec 29 '20 at 23:41
  • @JamesK But the question isn't asking whether Miss or Madam is more common. That's already been asked here. They're worried about the alternate meaning. – Owen Reynolds Dec 30 '20 at 02:34
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    Yes I am saying that "madam" is a form of address (and also a noun) It isn't a title, so "I met Madam Smith" is not idiomatic. – James K Dec 30 '20 at 08:22
  • @James K In cases where "Mr" was or is used as part of a title (often for a govt office) "Madam" is the formal equivalent. "Madam Speaker Pelosi", "Madam Justice Ginsberg", "Madam Chairwoman Smith" etc. But just as women in such positions began to be more common, most people started dropping both "Mr" and 'Madam" in such titles. This is in US usage. See the works of Judith Martin (aka "Miss Manners".) – David Siegel Dec 30 '20 at 16:12
  • Owen Reynolds - a pimp is a man who controls prostitutes. – Michael Harvey Dec 30 '20 at 19:03
  • @MichaelHarvey But there's also an ethical difference. Pimps take more advantage of women. Ghislaine Maxwell has been called Jeffrey Epstein's madam, but also his pimp. So the reasoning would be "did they just call me a madam in the 2nd getting-prostitutes meaning? Probably not, or they would have used the more common and insulting word 'pimp'".. – Owen Reynolds Dec 30 '20 at 19:55
  • The definition of a pimp is a man who controls prostitutes, so it would always be incorrect to call a woman a 'pimp', even if she carries out the same function. – Michael Harvey Dec 30 '20 at 20:57
  • @MichaelHarvey Merriam-Webster's pimp is gender neutral (a "criminal"). But if dictionaries had all the answers we wouldn't need this site. In common usage, a pimp is usually a man, but search "female pimp". – Owen Reynolds Dec 31 '20 at 00:04
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in French, une madame is the name given to a female brothel keeper. When used without the article as in Madame Dupont or Monsieur et Madame Dupont the title becomes purely conventional and would be translated in English as Mrs.

tan146
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    Well, the question is about the usage of "madam" in English, not in French. – fev Dec 30 '20 at 13:44
  • @fev Not to mention une madame doesn't mean a female brothel keeper in French. It's more a childish way to say une dame (a lady). – jlliagre Dec 30 '20 at 20:34
  • A language does not live in its own bubble. It is influenced by others, such as Eng madam and Fr madame.as for madame meaning "tenanciere d'un bordel" check out https://www.languefrancaise.net/Bob/10642 – tan146 Dec 31 '20 at 06:09
  • While we've hone off the tangent, in Danish "madamme" is definitely offensive, like old hag, though it can be used affectionately by the husband. – Lenne Jan 01 '21 at 01:44
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It's not offensive, but here in America you'll get a funny look from her (and probably anyone within earshot) if you call a female "madam".

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A servant or shopkeeper might use 'Madam'. Obsequious politeness. 'Dear Sir or Madam' is an old-fashioned but perfectly polite way to open a business letter to an unknown person.

Yes, 'Madam' can also refer to a brothel-keeper. There's no practical confusion.

It will be a pity if Political Correctness forces us into using a bland gender-less honorific. I know a comedian who gets a good laugh from addressing an audience member as 'Madam' then saying "I hope you don't mind me calling you Madam? I don't even know your profession!"

Laurence
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In the US, "Madam" would most commonly be used in formal letters, not speaking. I cannot think of the last time I spoke "madam" in any conversation.

As others have said, whether madam is respectful or derogatory depends on the local culture, situation, and tone to the word.

Having lived all over the USA, it is certainly used more in the southern US and more likely to be used between strangers in more formal engagements.

Ma'am would be safer, though some women will act offended to be called "Ma'am", since there's an implied "you are older than me". American women can be sensitive about age. It would be safe if you KNOW she is married. If she isn't married, then it becomes vague depending on the approximate age difference and if she thinks you might be in her dating range.

JohnP
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  • I think the reason "Ma'am" is associated with age is that older folks tend to use honorific titles more often. Men are sometimes also sensitive to age, thus the phrase, "Mr. X is my father!" I take offense when called "sir" by someone (such as a co-worker on the same project or team) who should be taking the time to distinguish me as an individual (not simply a nameless client or customer). – jpaugh Jan 01 '21 at 09:51