can I use them one last time
My own experience says "no".
For me a typical cycle is like this:
- Try it
- Like it
- Want it again
and then:
- Have it many times
- Eventually become sick of it -- at this point, I might think I ought to quit, and that I probably can but don't want to quit quite yet -- and "finally" decide I will quit or try to quit.
Then, having decided to quit:
- I'm quitting now so it's OK, I'll just try it once more
- As you said in the OP, "have that experience one last time":
- experience it again
- and then experience its ending/cessation again
- Want it again!
The problem now is that having decided it's OK to try it "one last time" the same logic now still holds -- it's OK to try it one last time. And so this becomes the new cycle, once becomes twice, and the circumstances (including sobriety) in which quitting seemed plausible becomes more remote. Meanwhile the harm accumulates.
Theoretically perhaps someone less addicted or less "addictive" than I am might be able to use something "one last time", but experience tells me I'm unable, and that instead "once" becomes "again" and so on. For me, the only way to stop is to stop, never, not once -- to have already stopped.
Here's from Piya Tan's analysis of SN 56.11:
The Dhamma,cakka Pavattana Sutta fully and clearly explains the functions of each of the 4 noble
truths, thus:
- The 1st noble truth, that is, suffering is to be understood.
- The 2nd noble truth, that is, the arising of suffering is to be abandoned.
- The 3rd noble truth, that is, the ending of suffering (nirvana) is to be realized.
- The 4th noble truth, that is, the way to the ending of suffering is to be cultivated.
The Sutta is also unique in presenting the 3 phases (ti,parivaṭṭa) of each of the truths, namely:
- the knowledge (ie, understanding) of the truth, sacca,ñāṇa
- the knowledge of the task to be done regarding each truth, and kicca,ñāṇa
- the knowledge of the accomplishment of these tasks. kata,ñāṇa
The commentarial version of these phases is called “the 3 good truths” (saddhamma):
- the true Dharma as theory pariyatti.saddhamma (textual aspect),
- the true Dharma as practice paṭipatti.saddhamma (moral virtue and meditation), and
- the true Dharma as realization paṭivedha.saddhamma (sainthood and freedom).
When these 3 phases are applied to each of the 4 truths, they total as the 12 modes or aspects (dvādas’-ākāra).
Note what it says about "phases" and "knowledge of accomplishment".
Quoting from SN 56.11 itself:
Vision arose, insight arose, discernment arose, knowledge arose, illumination arose within me with regard to things never heard before: 'This is the noble truth of the origination of stress'... 'This noble truth of the origination of stress is to be abandoned' ... 'This noble truth of the origination of stress has been abandoned.'
"Vision arose, insight arose, discernment arose, knowledge arose, illumination arose within me with regard to things never heard before: 'This is the noble truth of the cessation of stress'... 'This noble truth of the cessation of stress is to be directly experienced'... 'This noble truth of the cessation of stress has been directly experienced.
The "has been" there is an example of the grammatical perfect tense -- i.e. to have already quit.
On the plus side I can tell you that I very much don't regret -- I feel no remorse about -- the decision to stop completely.
It reminds me of this paragraph ...
For the Ariyan Dhamma, the distinction between the two types of conduct, moral and immoral, is sharp and clear, and this distinction persists all the way through to the consummation of the path: "Bodily conduct is twofold, I say, to be cultivated and not to be cultivated, and such conduct is either the one or the other" (MN 114). The conduct of the ideal Buddhist sage, the arahant, necessarily embodies the highest standards of moral rectitude both in the spirit and in the letter, and for him conformity to the letter is spontaneous and natural. The Buddha says that the liberated one lives restrained by the rules of the Vinaya, seeing danger in the slightest faults. He cannot intentionally commit any breach of the moral precepts, nor would he ever pursue any course of action motivated by desire, hatred, delusion, or fear.
... i.e. "seeing danger in the slightest faults".
I see danger!
And in fact I have quit completely and no longer have the "habit", and more-or-less "uprooted" the "conditions" in which even temptation might occur -- the thought (of "using them once last time") almost never ever occurs -- which I find relatively very pleasant (e.g. compared with "danger").
I'm not claiming to be an Arahant but I figure it's important to be careful about what behaviour I allow myself -- especially habitual behaviour.