Should I hate them who else hates me?

Question

I wasn't sure if someone hating me but I could smell it, recently I heard that person hates me, unreasonably hating me don't like me. Hesitant to see me around, but don't know why.
Even I didn't any wrong and no mistake. It because just that person build new house so don't want anyone there in new house like me or even my granny.

Person had small house and had big loving heart now person had big house and hesitated hateful heart that became narrow in biggest house

Two persons aren't different just because skin or race there's same flesh under skin, blood color same, vessels are same, bones are same, even marrow in bones are same so there's no different in two persons

I had gave upon visiting big house but last time I was there I got that hates me. So now I will never be there.
For sure.

Still I remember was calling me to ask my health progress when I was sick and weak before I wake up.
Sorry I put so much personal.

So just let me know If I need reflect to person like a mirror or boomerang?

Answer 1

Hatred never ceases through hatred in this world, only through non-hostility. This is an eternal law.

Answer 2

Should I hate them who else hates me?

If you want to retain and multiply hatred, then yes keep cultivating hatred.

If you want to diminish and eventually purify hatred, then no. Fighting fire with fire is not beneficial. It will not put out the fire. Use water instead, i.e. replace hatred with its opposite; loving-kindness.

So just let me know If I need reflect to person like a mirror or boomerang?

Cultivate compassion towards a being filled with hatred. Such a being is in great suffering, even more so if they are not aware of the damaging effects of hatred. Show them loving-kindness. If one is radiating loving-kindness, harmlessness and non-hostility, it will eventually affect people in the vicinity.

Answer 3

But how? I mean when someone blinded how they can realize their mistakes. And here Samana Johnan explained in his answer of my question - Does love mean crime? that it doesn't cease or conquer.

I think that Andrei was answering the question, "Should I hate them?": and that the answer was, "No, you shouldn't."

Samana Johann was trying to answer a question about "love". "Love" is a complicated word, which can include good-will, attachment, lust, all sorts of different meanings good and bad.

Instead of "love" the verse Andrei quoted is more precise than that, it uses the word avera which means "absence of emnity/revenge/hatred/hostility" (and this sutta fragment too uses the word, averena).

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The verses just before the verse that Andrei quoted are like,

3. "He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me." Those who harbor such thoughts do not still their hatred.

4. "He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me." Those who do not harbor such thoughts still their hatred.

I fear that your concentrating on asking, "How can they realize their mistakes?" is similar to insisting that they made a blind mistake which hurt you. You might find it easier if you:

• Stop trying to insist they made a mistake
• Stop trying to insist that they hurt you
• Stop trying to insist that you can change them or change that
• Stop viewing your relationship as a relationship defined by hurt

So just let me know If I need reflect to person like a mirror or boomerang?

I don't think so, no, because that sounds to me like you're suggesting making everything all about you: you might only see your own reflection, and not see them at all.

If you were following the brahmaviharas, for example, then "equanimity" would have you see them, as "heir to their own kamma".

Or (on the subject of relection like a mirror), sutta #17 from Non-violence -- A Study Guide shows how the Buddha reacts to hatred or insults -- i.e. he doesn't accept the insults offered to him.

Answer 4

Ajahn Fuang, Nyom Swapnil, once said:

"If people hate you, that's when you're let off the hook. You can come and go as you like without having to worry about whether or not they'll miss you or get upset at your going. And you don't have to bring any presents for them when you come back. You're free to do as you like."

This brings one to think about why one whould be touched if another bears unskillful thoughts against one. Why does one like others to love them? To get something? Expecting something?

To give goodwill is very skillful, to expect goodwill from others, demant it, is that skillful?

Isn't fear that drives? Someone not bound to me, not depending on me, not mine, not able to contoll, not listening to me, might not do what I want. That's why one likes others that they love him.

But as we know, as we have possible tryst in, if we keep precepts, maintain a heart of goodwill torward others, not only fear has no ground and reason in us but we are also best protected.

It's importand to understand goodwill (metta) well. It's not a thought that binds, but a thought that gives way, gives release and respect ways of others. "Like to hate? Hate, if you feel fine.", "Like to love. Love, if you feel fine." Having no possibility to (if feel the need, and have the will, to help) to explain the way to release: "May you find the way to happiness for you self with ease." Demand from others that they like one? Think just on the fact that you will have to leave on day, for sure, wouldn't those who possible even love you, like you very much, not terrible sad and touched, when they lose you? So why want them to love you when you knkw that you will not be there for ever for them?

The Sublime Attitudes is a beautiful chant and "Mettā means Goodwill" a good teaching on metta.

Don't make youself busy making other love you, that is actually very selfish. Act good, correct and with proper respect. When not taking side, beings see that, and naturally give certain respect in return. At least, not only that just oneself is to some extent able to chance his/her mind, you will at least not know if another really hates you. Think on a child that believes that daddy hates him, because he uses harsh words for his welfar. In your case here, it was even told by other. So what is the value to be greedy after honor an love? Be a rich person and give, especially the poor, those who are greedy after be loved, but take care that they do not really love you to much ;-) that's actually really a burden, since you are, that what they love, sighn, sound, smell, taste, touch, thoughts, getting from you, is not for sure, not secure that it can be lasting be provided.

(UPEKKHĀ — EQUANIMITY)

Sabbe sattā kammassakā kamma-dāyādā kamma-yonī kamma-bandhū kamma-paṭisaraṇā.

All living beings are the owners of their actions, heir to their actions, born of their actions, related through their actions, and live dependent on their actions.

Yaṃ kammaṃ karissanti kalyāṇaṃ vā pāpakaṃ vā tassa dāyādā bhavissanti.

Whatever they (or you) do, for good or for evil, to that will they (or you) fall heir.

Is good to think and say, especially in cases which are not under your controll at all. Your own thoughts are. So give and live best in a way of: "not meant for commercial purpose or other kinds of low wordily gains by means of trade and exchange"

Of course beings can accumulate much of demerits, debt an future remorse if even hating or dislike people who actually really care of them, being father and mother for them, but thats their kamma and the outcome at least: who knows... "Do you like to suffer? Suffer, if it makes you fine."

Just to let you know: "My person really does not love you." :-)

Mudita!

[Note: This is a gift of Dhamma, not meant for commercial purpose or other kinds of low wordily gains by means of trade and exchange]

Answer 5

No.

Hatred, even if well-reasoned and rationalized generates negative kamma and negative energy nearly the same as someone injuring their own body.

“… Hate is that one thing, bhikkhus. Abandon that and I guarantee you non-returning.”

Beings corrupted by hate Go to rebirth in a bad bourn. But having rightly understood hate, Those with insight abandon it. By abandoning it they never come Back to this world again. (Iti 2)

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“Bhikkhus, one who has not directly known and fully understood hate, who has not detached his mind from it and abandoned it, is incapable of destroying suffering. But one who has directly known and fully understood hate, and who has detached his mind from it and abandoned it, is capable of destroying suffering.”

Humankind is possessed by hate, Bound by hate and delighted with being; Not fully understanding hate, They come again to renewal of being.

But those who have abandoned hate, And who by destroying hate are freed, Have conquered the bondage of hate And overcome all suffering. (Iti 10)

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Hate is a cause of misfortune, Hate agitates the mind; People do not understand this As a danger produced within.

A hater does not know the good, A hater does not see the Dhamma; Blinding darkness then prevails When hate overwhelms a person.

But one who has abandoned hate Is not angered by what incites to anger. Hate drops away from him As a palmyra fruit from its stalk. (Iti 88)

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"Any kamma fashioned through hatred, born of hatred, caused by hatred, originated by hatred, ripens wherever the individual is reborn. Wherever that kamma ripens, it is there that one experiences its result, either in this very life, or in the next rebirth, or on some subsequent occasion."

... Whatever kamma an ignorant person has done born of greed, hatred, and delusion, whether what was fashioned by him be little or much, it is to be experienced right here: there exists no other site for it.

Therefore a wise person should abandon any deed born of greed, hatred, and delusion. A bhikkhu, giving rise to knowledge, should abandon all bad destinations." (AN 3.34)

It's very dangerous to encourage or rationalize hatred.

Now I understand that many (if not the majority of people) will be incapable of stopping hatred even if they really want to because of unconscious impulses in them causing aggression.

In that case I recommend practicing certain mind-exercises to stop hatred.

But I also know that many will not be good at mind-exercises, in that case I recommend massage therapy. Lots of independent unrelated research has shown that massage therapy reduces aggression...it may be one of the most effective methods to reduce aggression and anyone can do it.

Answer 6

I'm guessing the issue is with one of your siblings or a close relative. If you want to fix the relationship, there are couple of things you can try.

1. Ask yourself first if you are doing anything that irritates the person. If yes and if the fault is yours, stop doing it.
2. Ask the person directly why he/she is treating you differently, discuss the issues and resolve them.

If the above 2 methods fail, respect their wishes and stay away or do not try to get involved with them unless it is necessary.

One thing you have to stop doing is expecting other people to behave according to your liking. Try to maintain your moral standards without worrying about how others behave. Be good without expecting others to be good to you in the same way.

Answer 7

I don't know, when you take a step back it all comes back to your own suffering, sometimes when someone is mad at me I seem to suffer, I think the reason of my suffering is that someone is mad at me, so I try to change that situation , it results in more suffering and frustration..

But what i learned over time is that deep down , without knowing it, if I were to be happy in the middle of that person being angry, sad or hateful, there is nothing i would change about this moment, maybe compassion would arise for this person suffering.

I know this is hard to accept because we just feel bad and cant ignore our own suffering but deep down being happy is just enough, you really dont care deep down about if that person hates you, its just your thoughts making you feel not enough, believing your judgments about the whole situation , its very complex.

dont take your self too hard, its common human suffering, but realize, there is nothing to change about the situation, maybe you will learn something about it, maybe not but it is how it is, wanting to change it is a thought, that usually rises from your own suffering..

realize there where people in history anad there still are that dedicate to politics maybe or something else, thousands of people hate them , should they hate everyone of them? no, maybe they dont even know someone else hates them, the other person hating you doesnt mean anything to you unless, you believe they hate you, they hate YOU, that YOU, is theone believed to be hated so it creates anxiety, sadness for you.

its just thouhts your actually allright.

I dont know your life and your history so how could i judge that? its all knowledge of the thoughts, reality gets very confused with the mind many times, a baby seeing a trive man moving its hands up and down with a spear, may seem ineresting, but actually the man with the spear may be very mad at the baby for some reason.

its a matter of perspective.

Also remember some suffering moments actually change you for the better you never know, it might even teach you something to make you stop suffering.

it comes down to what one person think its bad, some people may think something is wrong or shouldnt be the way it is , some might just accept it as it is.

you can also imagine some other things, you say the house is big, maybe to donald trump its a normal house, its not a rich house, its a house he wouldnt want to be in because its modest for him , just to put things in perspective, who knows maybe its better for you if you dont go to that house anymore, maybe youll have other experiencies you like better ,you dont know