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I was meditating today on accepting and letting go of fear, anger and anxiety (which were very loud in my mind at the time) when suddenly my reactions to these states turned into disgust: whenever anger came up, I quickly became disgusted by it. Same thing happened for fear and anxiety. As soon as I sense the suffering in my thoughts, I become disgusted by them. Why is this happening?

Steve
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Why is this happening? The mind could be becoming clear & attuned to what is healthy & peaceful. Inner wisdom could be functioning.

Below is a quote from The Removal of Distracting Thoughts sutta:

Like a well-dressed young man or woman who feels horrified, humiliated and disgusted because of the carcass of a snake, dog or human that is hung round his or her neck...the monk in whom unskillful thoughts continue to arise...ponders on the disadvantages of unskillful thoughts thus: Truly, these thoughts of mine are unskillful, blameworthy and productive of misery. Then the evil, unskillful thoughts are eliminated; they disappear. By their elimination, the mind stands firm, settles down, becomes unified and concentrated, just within (his subject of meditation).

The Fire Sermon describes the liberation that results from clearly seeing the 'fire', burning or oppressiveness of lust, hatred & delusion. In the text, the word translated as "estrangement" is 'nibbindaṃ', which also means 'disgust' or 'revulsion'.

The quote below explains the word 'nibbindaṃ':

The more common translation of nibbidā is “disillusionment, disenchantment” but the more serious spiritual practitioners generally prefer “revulsion,” even “disgust.”

http://www.themindingcentre.org/dharmafarer/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/20.1-Nibbida-piya.pdf

In some commentaries, 'nibbindaṃ-disgust' (nibbidanupassana-nana) precedes or creates the 'desire for liberation' (muncitukamyata-nana) rather than liberation itself (as found in the scriptures).

Note: 'Disgust' is not the same as 'hatred/aversion'. 'Disgust' leads to freedom, since it leads to the rejecting, dropping & subsiding of the negative emotion.

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Dhamma Dhatu
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  • Here's a definition of Nibbindati which is used e.g. in SN 35.60. I suppose it doesn't mean quite the same thing as dosa. – ChrisW Jun 07 '16 at 19:58
  • I didn't post 'nibbindaṃ' had the same meaning as 'dosa'. However, Bonnie Topits has mentioned 'dosa'. Thus Steve can investigate whether his experience is that of nibbinda or of dosa. – Dhamma Dhatu Jun 07 '16 at 20:15
  • You didn't, no; but I don't see a clear difference between the English terms "disgust/revulsion" compared with "aversion/hatred". – ChrisW Jun 07 '16 at 20:18
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    Genuine nibbindaṃ results in dispassion, liberation & peace. Genuine nibbindaṃ leads to 'vomiting up' or dropping the negative emotion. Where as aversion is clinging, obsession with & building up the emotion. Nibbindaṃ (disgust) sides with liberation. Dosa (aversion) sides with bondage. – Dhamma Dhatu Jun 07 '16 at 20:20
  • Thank you. If you have time I'd suggest you edit that description of its distinction from dosa into the answer ... I think it makes the explanation clearer. Otherwise let's leave it as a comment. – ChrisW Jun 07 '16 at 20:33
  • I can only describe the feeling of disgust as a kind of nausea -- like when you know you've eaten something that is not good for you. When negative self-referential narratives come up, I can viscerally feel that they are bad for me, like eating rotten food. I don't have enough insight to see if this is aversion or nibbindaṃ. – Steve Jun 07 '16 at 20:48
  • If the mind senses "something that is not good for you", this is wisdom; this is a form of nibbindaṃ; of the preliminary or immature type found in the Commentaries (which generates the desire for freedom from the negative emotion). I used the word "vomiting". If it makes you feel like vomitting, it is a preliminary form of nibbindaṃ, which is good. Regards. – Dhamma Dhatu Jun 07 '16 at 20:53
  • This is a very helpful post. I'm going to leave the question open for now to get some more opinions. Thanks for the help, – Steve Jun 07 '16 at 20:58
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The Buddha said that all suffering is caused by craving, which is also interpreted as attachment. Your meditation started out as letting go of these afflictive emotions, which you were clinging to as evidenced by the loud noises in your mind. It was a good start, but what happened is rather than letting go you flipped to the polar opposite of attachment, which is aversion. This is not an uncommon event when one is trying to cope with afflictive emotions. Our conceptual mind outside of Buddhism has learned that what we do not like/love we must dislike/hate. Your meditative practice needs to find the middle...and I do not mean apathy...rather that you neither like nor dislike these emotions; that they do not influence your life in any positive way, and that you can let go of them without acting on or reacting to them in any manner. They will still crop up on occasion, so repeat the process until you can go through life without any need for these emotions to arise. Lama Surya Das devotes a large section of his book, "Awakening the Buddha Within", to meditation training.

Bonnie Topits
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  • there is also the skillful kind of aversion and attachment: https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/sn/sn46/sn46.051.than.html; otherwise there could not be, for example, disenchantment with the sense pleasures, disenchantment being a form of aversion. – Erik Kaplun Sep 04 '19 at 14:15
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The idea of meditation is to focus on your meditation no matter what. To be disgusted simply following your anger, fear, anxiety etc. means you are losing focus on meditation.

Every meditator goes through the same. Just bring your thoughts back on meditation again and everything is ok.

tutu
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