Hobbit-like stand-up comic, born January 27, 1969, known for his "nerd-philosopher" comedic style, and working with fellow alternative comedians such as Brian Posehn, David Cross, Zach Galifiniakis, Maria Bamford, and Blaine Capatch.

• The King of Queens: Spence Olchin, Doug's nerdy friend.
• Big Fan: Paul Aufiero, a lonely Giants fan who is beat up by one of his favorite players in a nightclub. A good example of Tom Hanks Syndrome.
• Caprica: Baxter Sarno, an Expy of both Jay Leno and Jon Stewart (It Makes Sense in Context)
• The Heart She Holler: Hurlan Heartshe, a feral man made mayor of an isolated Southern hamlet
• Ratatouille: Rémy, the protagonist; a rat who isn't content with eating garbage, and yearns to become a professional French chef.
• Reno 911 Miami: Jeff Spode, the acting mayor of Miami, who has to oversee the Reno sheriffs, and has a dark secret.
• Young Adult: Matt Freehauf, the nerdy former classmate of Mavis (Charlize Theron) whom he forms an unusual bond with.
• Word Girl: Theodore "Tobey" McCallister III, a ten-year-old supervillain.
• Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: The Koenig brothers? clones? Anyway, them.

• The Alcoholic: Tends to be drunk on his comedy albums, and often does bits about drinking and being drunk.

• Berserk Button: Plagiarism. In 2010 he had bits of his stolen by both an upstart comedian and a Columbia University valedictorian. Internet based smackdowns ensued.
• Black Comedy: Quite often.
  • A particular example is his "Uncle Touchy's Naked Puzzle Basement" song: "You won't wear a shirt and you'll cry."
  • And who can forget this line from his Stella D'oro Breakfast treat's joke:

• He Also Did: Naturally, as a geeky comic, he would be writing geeky comic books.
• Heavy Meta: Has a few bits about stand-up comedy, including one famous bit where he reenacts a heroin addict's open mic act.
• Heterosexual Life Partners: With Brian Posehn.
• Moral Guardians: Not that he is one; he just hates them. He even has a sequence about how replacing 'adult' words with euphemisms results in a sentence even creepier than the original ^[1] (see it under Narrative Profanity Filer, below).
• Narrative Profanity Filter: "I'm gonna fill your hoo-ha with goof juice!"
• One of Us:
  • A LOT of his material revolves around his geeky interests. "Speaking of comic books, which I'll be doing 800 times tonight..."
  • In a Stealth Pun in his bit about weight loss, he mentions he's gonna "Exert some Willpower! Hal Jordan!"
  • He fulfilled one of his personal all-time dreams by writing "Welcome to the Working Week", one of the greatest one-shot stories in the history of the Justice League of America.
  • He also wrote the Firefly/Serenity one-shot Float Out.
• Overly Long Gag: Tends to combine this with Genius Bonus for some truly hilarious bits; ie. his bit about the Apocalypse, and the above mentioned Open Mic bit.
• Pet Homosexual: Mocked in Finest Hour.
• Refuge in Audacity: The track "Wackity Schmackity Doo!" on Werewolves And Lollipops, where he talks about adding jokes to footage of the Holocaust and 9/11.
• So My Kids Can Watch: His role in Ratatouille. He actually has a routine about how much the movie has affected his day-to-day life, and how jarring it is to realize that he now has child fans.
• Take That:
  • Patton is NOT a fan of Yoshinoya Beef Bowl, ending his 2008 BlizzCon performance with a hilarious diatribe asserting that the chain must be a front for heroin distribution.
  • And if he had a Time Machine, he would travel back to the mid-nineties and kill George Lucas with a shovel.
• Too Soon: He did a show at the House Of Blues in Cleveland literally the day that LeBron James announced he was moving.^[2] This is how he greeted his audience:

• Viewers Are Geniuses: Lampshaded heavily. Will often make an obscure reference in his act, then start topping himself, ie, making references to H.P. Lovecraft and This Mortal Coil, then end up talking about Frank Belknap Long.

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